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How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You
How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You | The Oatmeal, Matthew Inman
82 posts | 69 read | 35 to read
Jesus Rollerblading Christ--another helping of TheOatmeal! Mrow, MOAR kitty comics. Mr. Oats delivers a sidesplitting serving of cat comics in his new book, How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You.If your cat is kneading you, that's not a sign of affection. Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness. If your cat brings you a dead animal, this isn't a gift. It's a warning. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a hilarious, brilliant offering of cat comics, facts, and instructional guides from the creative wonderland at TheOatmeal.com.How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You presents fan favorites, such as "Cat vs. Internet," "How to Pet a Kitty," and "The Bobcats," plus 17 brand-new, never-before-seen cat jokes. This Oatmeal collection is a must-have from Mr. Oats! A pullout poster is included at the back of the book.
Amazon Indiebound Barnes and Noble WorldCat Goodreads LibraryThing
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Creme_de_la_them
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Pickpick

Book #16: “how to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you” by Matthew Inman

Short, quick, and silly.

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ChelseaM6010
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#TemptingTitles
Day 19. With Cat
#WithCat

Eggs ❤️🐈😁 2y
dabbe Love The Oatmeal! 💙💙💙 2y
ChelseaM6010 @dabbe Same!! 😁🖤 2y
12 likes3 comments
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RaeLovesToRead
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Is it just me or does it look like Pickles is plotting my demise? 🤔😅

#picklescat #catsoflitsy

Ruthiella 😹😹😹😻 2y
KristiAhlers Plotting world domination! 😻 2y
Cathythoughts Definitely plotting something 😂 2y
Branwen This is my favorite picture of you both! 😻 2y
74 likes4 comments
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Vivlio_Gnosi
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Pickpick

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This is a cute little book and a quick read. Even better if you have cats, like cats, or have an emotional attachment to cats.

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Vivlio_Gnosi
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About time I picked this book up. Found it at a book store for $1!!

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TieDyeDude
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RaeLovesToRead ??? That face says: "you shall survive another day, hooman..." ? 2y
Eggs 🖤🐱🖤 2y
Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks Awesome photo 🖤 2y
Leftcoastzen Great photo! 1y
36 likes4 comments
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Magdalenka
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“Bob likes you , do you like Bob ? Circle one … yes … no “ LOL so funny !

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TheDaysGoBy
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Pickpick

So I grabbed this as part of my last book haul (yay for B&N gift cards!) as I‘d seen it around and thought it would be fun. Definitely was cute! Some comics were funnier than others but overall very enjoyable.

And Sam doesn‘t look super murderous here but he has his moments 😂

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Karizma
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Pickpick

I have had a very short attention span and have really struggled to read during the pandemic. This gave me actual laughs and cheered me up this evening. For another Goodwill find, I'm extremely pleased! The pull out poster was also still included. Score!

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thegirlwiththelibrarybag
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🤔

julesG 🤣🤣🤣 4y
BiblioLitten 🤣🤣 4y
rubyslippersreads 😹😹😹 4y
See All 8 Comments
rachaich I have just been miawoeing at my cat! 😹🙀😹 4y
rabbitprincess I always secretly worry that I am accidentally swearing at my aunt and uncle‘s cats when I miaow at them 🤣 4y
JessClark78 😂😂 4y
thegirlwiththelibrarybag @rabbitprincess, I think I would too 😂 4y
55 likes8 comments
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DAB
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Really?

BookwormM Great photo 4y
Jess861 😂 😂 4y
JillsBookshelf I love the photo! 4y
See All 9 Comments
vivastory 😂😹 4y
Avanders 😹😹 4y
wanderinglynn 😂😂😂 4y
rubyslippersreads I don‘t think you need a book to tell you. 😳😹 4y
WorldsOkayestStepMom 😻😻😻 4y
Nute Is that you and your cat? I would definitely say that by the expression on his face in this picture that there might be some darker thoughts mulling around!😳😹 4y
44 likes9 comments
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JGadz11
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Yes!

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Mariposa_Bookworm
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I@miss being a cat mom. It‘s been two years since this sweet furry thug went to live with his new mommy and I still miss his 4am meows.
#CatsOfLitsy

jmtrivera 💜💜 4y
Scochrane26 ❤️😢 4y
Elizabeth2 Aw. 😢 I had to rehome a kitty a long time ago when my oldest son developed a severe allergy as a baby. It was very hard. The family that adopted him kept in touch though. She even contacted me when he died. She had him for twice as long as I did, and yet she knew I‘d be heartbroken, too. ❤️ They stay in our hearts forever. 4y
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allureofbeauty Aww. Hopefully you can get another one sometime. It‘s hard to imagine my life without a cat. 4y
Crazeedi 💔😥 4y
Kelly_the_Bookish_Sidekick 💙💛💙💛 4y
The.Great.Catsby What an adorable baby!! I'm sad that he's gone from you, but happy you still get pictures! 4y
Bette I hear you. It's always hard. 💔 4y
78 likes8 comments
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TheSpineView
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OriginalCyn620 😂😂😂 4y
Anna from Gustine I just assume they always are and, so far, I've been right! :o) 4y
TheSpineView @Anna from Gustine 😹 4y
Rina_Black Awesome title 😂 4y
Sace The Oatmeal is awesome. 😂 4y
71 likes2 stack adds5 comments
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DieAReader
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#7days7books

Books that changed me or had a lasting impression on me.

Wanna play @Slajaunie 🧐😉

Thanks again for the original tag @Jas16 🥰 I really enjoyed the game!! 🥳📚🎶

Slajaunie I have this book and I love it!!!!! 5y
DieAReader My hubby has this one & bunch of the other Oatmeal books & he‘s made me swear to read them all🤣 This one had us both in stitches the entire time!! 🤪🤣😼He started this during Dewey‘s & it resulted in my not reading at all lol! I was enjoying watching him laugh his butt off 🤪🤣 5y
Catherine_Willoughby In my amazon basket. Need to know when kids go back to school, like to know where to direct my mail after 5th May (use parcel locker mostly as miss postman when on school run. No car. Depo 15 miles away . Locker is in local shopping centre 5 minutes away)- want to do another Amazon order but 7 to 14 days till arrival (at the moment) 5y
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DieAReader @Catherine_Willoughby That‘s a dilemma for sure 🧐🤨 I do hope you‘re able to do an Amazon order without having to wait too long. I know our delivery times here are longer now too. I‘m in Ontario, Canada. 5y
BookishMe Hehe... That title 😉 5y
DieAReader @BookishMe It‘s unreal how true & hilarious this book really is! 🤣🤣🤣 5y
32 likes6 comments
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abookishbutterfly
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Generally, I would try to crop this photo and make it look nicer but cropping it means chopping off Delilah‘s head. A good blooper photo seems appropriate here anyway! She wasn‘t very cooperative and got mad at me after a while for not giving her the treat. If she wasn‘t plotting to kill me before, she definitely is now. 😂 Make sure you look at both photos so you can see my husband‘s funny photoshopped version!

Bette She's cute. ❤️ 5y
66 likes1 comment
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abookishbutterfly
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I‘m sure my fellow book lovers will understand what some of my greatest disappointments have been since the world basically closed down: Not being able to go the bookstore we got married in on our anniversary, having The Dog Eared Book have to cancel their grand re-opening sale, and having my favorite library sale get cancelled. I had really been looking forward to all of those things!

Having The Dog Eared Book deliver books has really

Cont‘d⬇️

abookishbutterfly helped keep my spirits up! I showed you a few of the books I ordered last week and I may have given you the impression that I‘ve controlled my book buying habits. I haven‘t. 😂 Here‘s the rest of what I had delivered!

Have you been shopping for books since being stuck at home? What new and exciting reads have you gotten?
5y
Ruthiella I‘ve been working on books I already own... But I was able to purchase books for others and in one order I did slip in a paperback copy of Rachel Ray by Anthony Trollope for myself.😊 5y
LapReader All the Aussie writer‘s festivals have been cancelled 😭 5y
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ravenlee I got mystery grab bags from the Half Price Books sale and they‘re abysmal. Waiting on the surprise books from Horizon Books and hoping for better luck! 5y
abookishbutterfly @Ruthiella You‘re wise to work on the books you already own! I wish I had more self-control! 5y
abookishbutterfly @LapReader I‘m so sorry. 😥 5y
abookishbutterfly @ravenlee That‘s so disappointing! Mystery grab bags sound like they should be such a fun thing. I hope you do have better luck with the surprise books, too. 5y
57 likes7 comments
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SW-T
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A just for fun reread. Love that caption and it kinda fits the tagged book! 🐈 😊😂😊😂 🐱

#humor #litsyhumor #cats #catsoflitsy

TheSpineView That's a good one! Still chuckling! 🤣🤣🤣 5y
36 likes1 comment
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TieDyeDude
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I made it onto my local public library Facebook page 😁

kspenmoll Great expression, great photo! 5y
Billypar That's perfect! 😼 5y
vivastory 😂😂 5y
37 likes2 stack adds3 comments
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OrangeMooseReads
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This is NOT BOOK RELATED! But my new supervisor... 😬
#catsoflitsy #littenkitten #yesthatsthechair #tasteslikesnozzeberry

BookmarkTavern Well, they look entirely capable and on top of things! ❤️🐱❤️ 5y
OrangeMooseReads @ozma.of.oz she did this for like 5 minutes yesterday as well so I assume it‘s just part of her job. Lol 5y
BookmarkTavern That sounds like a very important daily task. You should probably just let her work. 😂 5y
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OrangeMooseReads @ozma.of.oz she clearly know what she‘s doing that‘s why she‘s the supervisor 😁😂 5y
AmyG DOESN‘T SHE KNOW WE ARE IN A PANDEMIC? 5y
Megabooks Looks like a stern taskmaster. Better mind your p‘s and q‘s! 😂😁🥰 5y
OrangeMooseReads @AmyG it‘s part of her job and she‘s an essential employee 😂 5y
OrangeMooseReads @Megabooks very stern. 😁 5y
Meaw_catlady Hahaha she‘s making sure it‘s clean for you! 5y
41 likes10 comments
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The.Intentional.Reader
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Hilarious!!...but also kinda true. Funny book by a funny guy.

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JacintaMCarter
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Mehso-so

#2019Book74
This was a pretty fun graphic novel, but some of the jokes went on just a little too long.

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jb72
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#August #WrapUp
August came in at 14 books read:
Children‘s: 8
Nonfiction: 5
I made progress on my Dr. Seuss challenge. The funniest book was How to Tell If Your Cat Is Trying To Kill You! The worst book was Mostly Dead Things. Gulp was an interesting read, but it‘s not for the squeamish.
#summersendreadathon came in with a total of eight (which I forgot to post on Friday).

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JulietReads
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The jokes were kinda corny and weird.

48 likes1 stack add
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jb72
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Pickpick

#Readathon #24b4monday
My time is not great a lingering headache stunted my reading yesterday. I‘m hoping today will be a much better reading day. My goal is to finish Hex and a Gaiman book I‘m working on too. Tagged book was funny! 😹😼 Cats are so much fun!

Andrew65 Here‘s hoping you have a better day today. 5y
Eggbeater 😂This title. I love The Oatmeal stuff. 5y
28 likes2 comments
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jb72
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#100books #cats #goodreads
I reached my GR goal of 100 books today with the tagged book! 🎉🎈😼

Clwojick This one made me laugh. 🙌🏻 5y
jb72 @Clwojick Me too! I liked the book. 5y
samantha.mlis I always see it but never read it and the title cracks me up each time 5y
30 likes3 comments
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Chrissyreadit
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Pickpick

This book had me laugh out loud almost continuously. Laughter, books and gardens really are the best medicine for stress.

erzascarletbookgasm Fun title! 5y
alisiakae 😂😂 5y
105 likes4 stack adds3 comments
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Coen_Duda
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Pickpick

I LOVED this book!!! It‘s a hilariously funny quick graphic novel, but a little inappropriate for younger readers.

Cfischbuch Looks and sounds hilarious. I love that you included your cat in the photo and he‘s like “meh”. 5y
GatlinPozzi I think you should keep that book away from your car just in case he/she can read 5y
GatlinPozzi Cat* I meant cat not car 5y
MrsBabki Love this! Awesome photo! 5y
MxrleyMxe Big oof 5y
12 likes2 stack adds5 comments
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booklover3258
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Pickpick

This book is hilarious. A must read for any cat lover!

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MrBook
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😱🙈😸 #Coale‘s probably got some identifiers in that book. #LitsyHumor

MommyOfTwo 😻🙀😹 6y
RadicalReader 😂😂😂😂 @MrBook you never disappoint 6y
See All 13 Comments
squirrelbrain 🤣🤣🤣 6y
Demibom Beware the white cat (edited) 6y
InBooksILive The look the cat has is priceless!! Lmao I LOVE this picture! 🤣🤣 6y
SW-T Loved that book. 😹😹😹 6y
BeansPage HA!!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 6y
lorannen Pulled right from the pages, Exhibit A! (edited) 6y
MaleficentBookDragon 😹😹😹 6y
CoverToCoverGirl I need that book as I have 3 kitties and now I‘m kinda worried that the could be some kinda conspiracy going on! 😂🤓 6y
JulietReads Don't give that cat any ideas...lol 5y
120 likes13 comments
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AllieLovesBooks
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Happy Valentines Day Everyone! ❤️ #catsoflitsy #valentinescatsoflitsy

CoffeeNBooks Gorgeous cats! Welcome to Litsy! 📚 6y
AllieLovesBooks @CoffeeNBooks Thank you!!! I love it already!! 📚📖 6y
TheLibrarian Welcome to Litsy and what beautiful kitties you have!! 6y
See All 11 Comments
AllieLovesBooks @TheLibrarian Thank you! Your cat is very cute also!! 6y
HeathHof Welcome to Litsy! That's a stunning pair of kittens! Are they Bengals? 6y
AllieLovesBooks @Mynameisacolour They sure are bengals! They are sisters a year apart the older one in front is Tiger Lily she‘s 3 and the younger one is Tinker Bell she‘s 2 and was the runt of her litter so she has stayed pretty tiny, which works for her name! Thank you for the welcome! 6y
BookwormAHN Cute kitties, welcome to Litsy 😺 6y
Smrloomis Wow, these cats are gorgeous! 😁 6y
SW-T Cute cats 😸 6y
Dragon 😻 6y
DebinHawaii Gorgeous kitties! 🐱❤️🐱❤️ 6y
75 likes11 comments
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StephanieGeiser
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Pickpick

Spent this morning reading one of the books I got for Christmas in bed.

This book had my laughing out loud and is a great read for any cat owner. (It was also a good boost after finishing Lily and the Octopus last night.)

Wife @Kelican17 Sounds like a book that you may need 😼 6y
rather_be_reading 😂😂 6y
38 likes3 comments
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MaleficentBookDragon
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Hmmmm

MemoirsForMe Awwwww 😻❤️ 6y
julesG Should you be worrying that s/he's cuddling a knife? 6y
jbhops @julesG 😂 6y
See All 6 Comments
tournevis @julesG snort snort snort snort 6y
CoffeeCatsBooks Better not be late with dinner! 6y
ravenlee “Declaw me, will you? Muahahahaha!” 6y
92 likes6 comments
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lesliemarie
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Yup!

67 likes2 comments
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dgingo
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From The Oatmeal on Instagram. ☺️

What are you reading tonight? 📖

dgingo @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks 👍🏼 How is it so far? 6y
Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks @dgingo it‘s really good!!! I don‘t want to stop reading to read my book for book club!! 🤣 6y
See All 10 Comments
dgingo @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks Well that doesn‘t sound like a bad thing to me! What is the book club pick? 6y
Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks @dgingo Circling the Sun for #BotmBuddyRead 📚💛 6y
dgingo 👍🏼 Enjoy it! Happy Sunday, @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks ! 6y
TheNeverendingTBR This is me 😂 6y
dgingo @trioxin_sematary @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks I think this is a prerequisite to becoming a Litten! 😉 6y
18 likes10 comments
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julesG
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You know your cat loves you when he hogs your blanket after you just got up to open the windows and make a cup of tea. And he's left me presents everywhere I like to sit and read. The keychain owl and the knotted scarf were on my bed two mornings when I woke up, there are two socks next to my bed, another is in the living room on the sofa. I've found scraps of paper, a feather and other bits and pieces on my bed.

#catsoflitsy

Tanzy13 🐱 6y
Zelma 😂 that is pretty cute. I love the sheer number of presents being left for you. 6y
See All 6 Comments
julesG @Zelma At least one present per day. It's wonderful to be appreciated so much. 😻 6y
batsy How sweet ❤️🐈 6y
Zelma @julesG at least the presents aren‘t leftovers from hunting. Our cat used to leave critter bits for us, since were such bad hunters. 😬 (edited) 6y
93 likes6 comments
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MaleficentBookDragon
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I‘m a sucker for a #buzzfeed quiz.

Choose Some Desserts And We'll Give You A Hilarious Novel To Read This Summer

https://www.buzzfeed.com/themadhattertwo/choose-some-desserts-and-well-give-you-...

Avanders I got the same book ☺️ 6y
JSW I wouldn‘t call it a novel, but I own it and can guarantee it is hilarious. 😹😹 6y
Clwojick I‘ve read this lol 6y
66 likes3 comments
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julesG
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We're drinking tea. It's sunny but quite cold today.
After a crafty morning, my daughter is now reading the tagged book to me. 😁😁😁

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Purrfectpages
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monkeygirlsmama ♥️😺 7y
60 likes1 comment
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Bl00dyM0i
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Beau and I are taking a break for wine and movies. ✔🙋🐱

mrozzz 😻 Lovely cat! 👋🏻 WELCOME 7y
TricksyTails 😻🖤 Gorgeous kitty!! 7y
Bl00dyM0i Thanks @mrozzz !!! And @TricksyTails ! One of two 🐈 7y
See All 10 Comments
tammysue Beau is gorgeous!! 😻 7y
Bl00dyM0i @whatshesreadingnow thank you 😍 7y
shadowspeak17 😻❤️ 7y
Bl00dyM0i 🤗 7y
Wife Welcome to Litsy!🌹 7y
Clwojick Hey Beau 😻 7y
asiriusreader Welcome to Litsy! 7y
25 likes1 stack add10 comments
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Gina
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I think I figured it out... Mauwahahahahaha

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MarriedtoMrT
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I posted a cute #catsoflitsy picture but I‘ve been seeing some great funny ones on my feed so I couldn‘t resist posting this one as well. Look, Chester lost his arms!

DGRachel 🙀🙀 7y
Tadams4 Too funny! 7y
Tamra 🤣 7y
jbhops That's great! 7y
55 likes4 comments
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MarriedtoMrT
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I‘m always happy to supply cat pictures! I only have about a million on my phone. 😏 Here is my oldest cat baby, Amberley. She requires lots of close snuggles. #catsoflitsy

erinreads Adorable kitty and adorable name! 😻 7y
ghosthost That face! 😻 7y
AmyG What a sweet face. 7y
Eyelit Oh, the cuteness! 7y
jbhops That is the sweetest kitty face! 7y
63 likes5 comments
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tomes4gnomes
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I used to have a cat who would try to sleep on my face. I was never quite sure if he loved me or if he was trying to kill me (or if my face was nothing but a heat source). How do your pets feel about your love of reading? Jealous, indifferent, or do they “help” with your reading in their own special ways?

benchley1 Mine used to chew on them...he's so old now he doesn't do much, but he hates anything that distracts from him 7y
tomes4gnomes @benchley1 Ah yes, I have a few books with the telltale cat chew marks on the edges, courtesy of my friend‘s cat. I love your profile pic, by the way — Dorothy is my soulmate. 7y
benchley1 Haha Dorothy is so sarcastic, I love her. I really think a lot of my personality is due to Golden Girls and Laverne and Shirley being my fave as a kid 7y
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BookNAround The cat doesn‘t care. The dog wants to be on my lap. And the hedgehog hopes I disappear into my book forever and therefore leave him alone. 😂 7y
tomes4gnomes @BookNAround That all sounds about right! 😂 Would love to see a photo of your animal family (including a book for good measure) — I love cats, dogs, and hedgehogs! 7y
jfalkens My cats are lazy so they like sleeping on me or nearby 😸 7y
tomes4gnomes @jfalkens And again it makes me wonder, are we just giant hot water bottles for our cats? I don‘t mind. 7y
jfalkens @tomes4gnomes probably 😹 I don't mind either especially when Pickle crawls under the blanket with me 😻 7y
Purrfectpages Sometimes my cats try to push my iPad out of the way. They are jealous of everything, including each other. 7y
43 likes10 comments
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Mariposa_Bookworm
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He loves looking out the window. I assume he‘s plotting on the birds, but if I‘m late again with breakfast. . .
#ThugKittyLyfe #CatsOfLitsy #OreoLeQuan

Tanzy13 🐱 7y
98 likes1 comment
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Ash.on.the.line
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A book when I want to smile is my sisters book! How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. It‘s hilarious! Also if you see that cup that is my #BookAndTreat because I try and avoid snacks between thanksgiving and Christmas. It‘s a challenge 😂
#survivingDecember #SeasonsReadings2017

CarlyQuinn A coworker just got this and had me read the chapter on how to tell if your cat is gay. I died laughing! Loved it! 7y
RealLifeReading 😂😂 7y
Ash.on.the.line @CarlyQuinn 😂 it‘s so funny! 7y
56 likes2 stack adds3 comments
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Gina
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Awwww, come on. We want the cat in the library!

JulietReads Poor Max. 5y
Gina @JulietBooks Right! I say we all take a vote... 5y
10 likes2 comments
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SaunteringVaguelyDownwards
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Hmm...maybe I'm safe?
#nationalcatday

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Purrfectpages
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46 likes2 stack adds