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The Rules Do Not Apply
The Rules Do Not Apply: A Memoir | Ariel Levy
A gorgeous, darkly humorous memoir about a woman overcoming dramatic loss and finding reinventionfor readers of Cheryl Strayed and Joan Didion When thirty-eight-year-old New Yorker writer Ariel Levy left for a reporting trip to Mongolia in 2012, she was pregnant, married, financially secure, and successful on her own terms. A month later, none of that was true. Levy picks you up and hurls you through the story of how she built an unconventional life and then watched it fall apart with astonishing speed. Like much of her generation, she was raised to resist traditional rulesabout work, about love, and about womanhood. I wanted what we all want: everything. We want a mate who feels like family and a lover who is exotic, surprising. We want to be youthful adventurers and middle-aged mothers. We want intimacy and autonomy, safety and stimulation, reassurance and novelty, coziness and thrills. But we cant have it all. In this profound and beautiful memoir, Levy chronicles the adventure and heartbreak of being a woman who is free to do whatever she chooses. Her own story of resilience becomes an unforgettable portrait of the shifting forces in our culture, of what has changedand of what is eternal. Advance praise for The Rules Do Not Apply I read The Rules Do Not Apply in one long, rapt sitting. Unflinching and intimate, wrenching and revelatory, Ariel Levys powerful memoir about love, loss, and finding ones way shimmers with truth and heart on every page.Cheryl Strayed Every deep feeling a human is capable of will be shaken loose by this profound book. Ariel Levy has taken grief, and made art out of it.David Sedaris Ariel Levy is a writer of uncompromising honesty, remarkable clarity, and surprising humor, gathered from the wreckage of tragedy. Her account of life doing its darnedest to topple her, and her refusal to be knocked down, will leave you shaken and inspired. I am the better for having read this book.Lena Dunham A great memoir is not a trip through someone elses life, but a series of long looks into your own life. Ariel Levys bookgrieving, hopeful, painful, funnyis that.Amy Bloom Its become a truism that feminists are living out our mothers unlived lives. But Ariel Levy seems to be living out the unlived lives of an entire generation of women, simultaneously. Free to do whatever she chooses, she chooses everything. But this is no mindless primer on having or not having it all. While reinventing work, marriage, family, pregnancy, sex, and divorce for herself from the ground up, Levy experiences devastating loss. And she recounts it all here with searing intimacy and an unsentimental yet openhearted rigor.Alison Bechdel, author of Fun Home and Are You My Mother? The Rules Do Not Apply is heartbreaking, brilliant, and disarming, the kind of book that may change you. Ariel Levy writes with a beauty that is ferociously honest and with the fervor of an explorer. She tells the story of being a confident young woman on a path of her own makingfilled with books, love affairs, travel, unseemly success. And then, unflinchingly, she recounts what happens when that path swerves to a place of staggering, unthinkable loss. No one else has written so insightfully about the current legacy of feminisms lavish gift of freedom. Levy has a voice unlike any other. This is a devastating and inspired book.Ren Steinke, author of Friendswood and Holy Skirts
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klu13
Pickpick

Will recommend to everyone

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youneverarrived
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Mehso-so

It feels harsh giving this 2 stars considering the trauma she went through & how warts and all she writes about herself but I found her relationship pretty dull to read about (& that seemed to be the focus of most of the book), obviously it‘s a memoir and that‘s what must feel important to her but I didn‘t connect with it or get anything from it. I did feel for her in the latter chapters and I think some might find comfort in her words. ⭐️⭐️

youneverarrived #nonfiction2022 - rule breaker (edited) 3y
Suet624 I‘m with you on this book. (edited) 3y
youneverarrived @Suet624 I‘m glad I‘m not the only one that feels this way about it 3y
50 likes1 stack add3 comments
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marleed
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Mehso-so

I like to read memoirs - to be a fly on the wall of a cathartic journey where the writer is better at the journeys end for having put pen to paper while discovering who they are in the craziness that is life. Ariel explains upfront she lost her unborn child, spouse, and home in too short a time, but I felt the tell of who she became on the other side of that journey was lacking because she remained clouded by blame she placed on her ex-wife.

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Hestapleton
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Panpan

Blech. Levy‘s memoir covers tough topics, but she just comes across as entitled and whiny. It‘s hard for me to be sad about your marriage falling apart when you keep cheating. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I wanted to use this for #mongolia for #readingasia21 but only like two very small chapters are set there. I don‘t want this terrible book to be nothing for though. Thoughts on counting or not counting it anyway?

Cinfhen I‘d use it!!!! 4y
Cinfhen There are SO MANY countries/ take one whenever you can 💓💓💓 4y
Megabooks I think I bailed on this at one point. Use it if you finished it!!! 4y
BarbaraBB I‘d use it too! 💜 4y
cozypunk You survived it, didn't ya?? Count it. 4y
62 likes5 comments
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DrLReads
Mehso-so

A memoir on grief and marriage. At times, Levy is deeply unlikeable, her privilege frustrating. However, Levy shows moments of raw reflexivity and self-awareness. Her writing is beautiful and the book is a quick read.

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foxy_frain
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Pickpick

🚫

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RealLifeReading
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Audiobook plus big bar of chocolate = lots of chocolate shavings to top a black forest cake and a slightly sore hand. Also chocolate everywhere

marleed Oooh. It‘s going to be good! 5y
BookmarkTavern Black Forest cake?! ❤️❤️❤️ 5y
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Leftcoastzen Looks so good ! 5y
AlaMich Could be worse. Could be glitter everywhere! 5y
Librariana Looks divine! 😍 5y
87 likes6 comments
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RealLifeReading
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Happy Friday/Saturday!
I‘m working on a Ravenclaw scarf for the kids (one done already) and listening to The Rules Do Not Apply by Ariel Levy

The kids‘ school has a festival later today and my 6yo is going as a Ravenclaw student (the 8yo is a ninja) but of course I have to make two scarves to make it fair!
Are you all ready for Halloween?
#audiocrochet

SweetBooks OMG I am a TOTAL LUNA FAN! Anyone else? 5y
72 likes1 comment
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Hooked_on_books
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Mehso-so

Ariel Levy lost her spouse, son, and house in short order. At least she tells us so in the opening of this memoir. She then gives a lot of back story that felt superficial and empty to me. When she gets to the loss of her son, the story is brutal, harrowing, and graphic, then back to her self-absorbed, self-righteous self all too quickly. This book is a missed opportunity.

britt_brooke Completely agree. 5y
Zelma Ohh, that‘s disappointing. @britt_brooke I tend to agree with you on books so maybe I will bypass this one. 5y
britt_brooke @Zelma 😉 I‘ll find my review and tag you so you can read it. 5y
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Zelma @britt_brooke thanks! 5y
Hooked_on_books @britt_brooke So, interestingly, she worked with Demi Moore on her memoir, which I saw you quite liked. And I don‘t know what “worked with” means exactly, but it suggests she‘s able to help craft a good book. Maybe she should just steer clear of writing about herself. 5y
britt_brooke @Hooked_on_books Oh, that *is* interesting! Demi‘s book is not quite as overwritten as Levy‘s, if you know what I‘m saying. It was well-written but more straightforward and no artsy melodramatic descriptions. 5y
37 likes6 comments
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dainarmb
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I'm #currentlyreading this memoir by journalist Ariel Levy. It was gifted to me by a friend last year (!) for my birthday and I'm just now getting around to it 😅. I'm a little more than halfway through so far and I'm not a fan of Levy as a human being... hoping that changes toward the end! 🤞🏽

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TheBee
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Mehso-so

Intense, honest, heartbreaking, tragic, straight forward. Her writing style feels short and clean. Don‘t really know what else to think or say about it... #ariellevy #memoir

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thebookishtype15
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Mehso-so

It was interesting enough to keep me reading it but really it was a lot of unchecked priviledge. Ariel also doesn't show a lot of empathy for others, she tends to be selfish. It was good writing but also awkward and I feel like that's just herself in the writing.

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goodbyefrancie
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I should be sleeping because I work tomorrow, but I don't want to leave my happy place. #onemorechapter

GingerAntics That does look like a very happy place. 6y
JennyM I wouldn‘t want to leave either 6y
MotionChickness This will sound odd but, I am in love with your step stool 😂😍 6y
115 likes3 comments
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Aliiii0685
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I wanted what we all want: everything.

#boutofbooks #book2

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KikiLovesBooks
Mehso-so

Read this with my book group and was slightly underwhelmed. I‘ve heard Ms Levy interviewed several times and was looking forward to this, but it just didn‘t impress me as I had hoped. It was still a powerful memoir of grief and evolution. It just didn‘t leave me with any stunning insights.

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Laru79
Mehso-so

Erm, got to the end of this and have no strong opinions either way. Levy is a great writer and her story is heartbreaking at times, but the book has left me feeling ‘meh.‘ I liked her honest feelings, sharing things we all feel, but maybe aren‘t brave enough to say, but overall I just wasn‘t too interested, which makes me feel awful, but also is true.

goodbyefrancie I've been conflicted about this one. I want to read it because David Sedaris recommended it at a signing we attended, but we have had a similar loss in our family, so I'm hesitant. I added it to my Kindle, so maybe someday. I appreciate the review. 6y
Laru79 I‘m sorry you‘ve had a loss @goodbyefrancie maybe this book might help? It is only a short read but perhaps not the best if you‘re feeling low. A David Sedaris recommendation though, that‘s good going!! 6y
29 likes2 comments
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Bookishaf
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Pickpick

A heart-breaking but thought-provoking memoir! It‘s a quick read and great for book clubs!

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Laru79
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Love this cover! I am super looking forward to reading this but think it might be an emotional read, so am preparing myself for a tear or two. Great writing so far...

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HeatherBookNerd
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Mehso-so

I have mixed feelings. The writing is really terrific. But I found it so difficult to relate to her, or to find her view of the world at all appealing in any way. Her experiences don‘t seem to lead her to any real growth, and her self absorption is relentless and unchanging. I guess I am looking for something different in a memoir, some sense that there is something transformative that compelled the author to share their story with the world.

TNbookworm Great review👍 6y
Lcsmcat I had the same reaction to this one. 6y
britt_brooke Completely agree. 6y
kspenmoll Well said; I agree- 6y
31 likes4 comments
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sdbruening
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Pickpick

Boy that was heart wrenching. Definitely a winding path in the world of relationships. It made me nervous about fertility and I‘m not even in my 30s yet! The narrative was confusing at times with back and forth in time but very good overall.

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Simona
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Pickpick

Memoirs without any embellishments, with frank brutality of someone who has realized that certain rules in life do apply to all. I wished that she would explained more about her judgments and give them some deeper connotation. It‘s not a perfect story, but I recommend it, because this is a story about all the wrong decisions/losses/wrongness, but Levy doesn‘t seek for any kind of understanding/forgiveness, it is just a story about bad choices.

BarbaraTheBibliophage Great review—this one is on my TBR shelf! 7y
Cinfhen I need a book for diverse NF maybe I‘ll try this one...great review💗 7y
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Simona @BarbaraTheBibliophage @Cinfhen Thank you 😊 It's a story with a weaknesses (especially last chapters are ‘messy‘), and still - worth the reading/listening. 7y
Reviewsbylola I had this one on my TBR for awhile, then I saw some lackluster reviews and took it off. Now I‘m putting it back on. 😂 7y
Simona @Reviewsbylola 😂 I saw in reviews that the main problem in this book are her decisions and her personality ... 7y
77 likes2 stack adds6 comments
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Simona
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Change of the book and venue. It‘s time for audiobook and some exercises ... #readathon

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Insightsintobooks
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Has anyone read this? Is it good?

whatsthEStorey No, but stacked! The description had me at Cheryl Strayed and Joan Didion. 7y
39 likes1 stack add1 comment
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TheBookWasBetter1983
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Sunshine. Iced Tea. Reading on the deck!!

Aims42 Perfection!! 7y
65 likes1 comment
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Eggs
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Levy accomplished a meaningful, honest memoir here, amid the raw sadness of compound losses in her young life.

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KimHM
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Pickpick

Though not perhaps as seasoned or profound as Joan Didion‘s, this is a very fine grief memoir, wry and honest and even funny at times. 🧡🧡🧡🧡 and a half.

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KimHM
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Lunch reading 📚💜😔. (Yes, you may feel sorry for my students, but this book !💜!💜)

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KimHM
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Omg. I‘m standing here in my classroom waiting ‘til it‘s time to teach again and wiping away tears. I was browsing my Book Bub #temptations and decided to check this out (had to go over to Google Books b/c the Kindle “sample” is just blurbs). The reviews are def mixed, but read the Preface. It‘s devastating. Yes, I clicked “buy.”

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HardcoverHearts
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The ebook is on sale today and I highly recommend it. It‘s a gut punch of a story. I remember being impressed with the levels and depths she revealed in this memoir. I found her complex, at times infuriating, at others funny and tender, and very open throughout the book. There is a very real trigger warning about miscarriage. It‘s not a spoiler, but it needs to be declared. She is a tough lady.

readordierachel I liked this one too! I appreciated her honesty about things that didn't paint her in the best light. And she's a very talented writer. 7y
30 likes1 comment
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MelissaSue81
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Mehso-so

This one didn‘t do anything for me. A fast read but I felt it was a bit self indulgent.

KryssyB I just finished the audiobook; I wasn't impressed. 7y
6 likes1 comment
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KryssyB
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Currently listening to #TheRulesDoNotApply

Chelleo Welcome to to the #LitsyFamily! We‘re so glad you‘re here! Checkout these #Litsytips: http://bit.ly/litsytips and #LitsyHowTo videos: http://bit.ly/litsyvideos There‘s so many fun things to do: book exchanges, buddy reads, photo challenges and more! Check out #LitsyHappenings for details. #litsywelcomewagon @LitsyWelcomeWagon 7y
Eggs Welcome to Litsy 😊😊 7y
KryssyB @Eggs thank you 😊 7y
11 likes2 stack adds3 comments
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reikof
Pickpick

A little similar to The Argonauts. Also kind of a travelogue? Very good!

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cariashley
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Pickpick

I really liked parts of this memoir, especially the naive central tenet that we go through life thinking the rules do not apply to us - we won‘t get sick, we won‘t be infertile, we won‘t be stopped from achieving our goals. (Much easier to think this way when you are born with privilege, of course). Some of this felt disjointed and unrealized though, especially the end. Overall a pick - the audiobook is good and a really quick read.

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Expandingbookshelf
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Pickpick

When reporter Ariel Levy went to Mongolia to write a story she was married, pregnant, and financially secure. A month later, none of that was true. “The Rules Do Not Apply” is a brilliant memoir thinking you have it all-and then losing everything. Highly recommend.

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PixieDust
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Pickpick

I loved this book it‘s heartbreaking and so honest. Levy really bares her soul here. The way she talks about love, sex, and grief is unlike anything I‘ve read recently!! I wish it was longer!!!!

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UrsulaMonarch
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Pickpick

I was afraid to read this because of the excellent essay "thanksgiving in Mongolia," but I'm glad I did. Levy is a superlative writer.

46 likes2 stack adds
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UrsulaMonarch
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It's funny to read this & think "oh yeah, I know about that lesbian separatist... because I read an article about her in the New Yorker... which must have been written by Levy!" I only knew I'd read one article by her going into this book.

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Lindy
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Pickpick

“Grief is another world. Like the carnal world, it is one where reason doesn‘t work.” Levy was lucky in life… until she wasn‘t. She lost her pregnancy, her home and her wife in a short time, and so was forced to reach inside herself and search her soul. #Audiobook narrated by the author. Compelling, sometimes melodramatic, raw and strong writing that captures a time and place in queer white America. #LGBTQ #bisexual

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Lindy
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Lots of love for this memoir at book club tonight. Also, we laughed at a bunch of Goodreads reviews. ie: “Who is this Ariel Levy anyway? It‘s always a risk to read a memoir by someone you‘ve never heard of or who isn‘t a blogger with lots of creds.” & “Did not enjoy, only finished because I like to hear about women‘s travel adventures but she did not have many.” & “Ms Levy blames her lack of control, and her inability to have it all, on feminism.”

AceOnRoam The food looks good, the girls are thinking what shall I eat next? 7y
AceOnRoam Also, I want to come and tidy up a couple of those shelves LOL. It's an ocd thing. It's not you, it's me. 7y
Tanisha_A Looks fun! 7y
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Lindy @AceOnRoam Ha! Out of the four book clubs that I‘m in, this is the one that has the most elaborate spreads of food. Amanda‘s bookshelves won‘t be looking like that soon because she is moving to another city. I‘m sure they will look tidy (at first) in her new place, which will be bigger. 7y
Lindy @Tanisha_A Yes, they are a fun bunch. 😁 7y
UrsulaMonarch Before starting this book, I knew I'd read Levy's article on Mongolia, but I didn't realize how many other articles of hers I'd read! Not that I was also asking "who is Ariel levy" ? 7y
65 likes6 comments
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ArielF
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Starting a new book this lazy Saturday morning!

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olyvianne
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Pickpick

The sentence-level writing in this is EXTREMELY GOOD. It‘s a heart breaking and hopeful read.

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Lindy
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I had tried to slide casually in a dykeward direction without attracting too much attention from my skeptical friends.

(Internet photo)

WanderingBookaneer I had never read what this book was about. Now I have another book in my TBR! #BlameItOnLindy 7y
Lindy @WanderingBookaneer I am finding what Lena Dunham said about this book is true, that it gives me insight into my own life. 7y
WanderingBookaneer High praise indeed! 7y
32 likes2 stack adds4 comments
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Lindy
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She said, “Every time someone calls her my wife I am furious.”
They had been together for more than 40 years.
“You can say she‘s my spouse or you can say she‘s my butch, but you cannot say she‘s my wife. It‘s a fucking insult.”
I felt the same way.

UrsulaMonarch 👏👏👏 7y
Lindy @UrsulaMonarch My sweetie and I feel the same way too. The gay lawyer who drew up our joint wills was baffled by our insistence on using spouse rather than wife in the documents. 7y
40 likes2 comments
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Lindy
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One of their vows is to make life a party. It‘s not hard to guess that Levy‘s lesbian relationship is not going to last.

(The cake topper in the photo is available from Amazon, if you are looking for one.) #LGBTQ #Bisexual #Alcoholics

saresmoore That cake topper! 7y
42 likes1 stack add1 comment
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Bexicans
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Pickpick

Is she gonna fuck the doctor or not I need to know!!! lol

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tholmz
Pickpick

I listened to this one, slowly over a couple of weeks. What a heartbreaking memoir. I had some issues with sensitivity but ultimately, it‘s Levy‘s life and I believe people should be able to tell their story true to how they felt throughout it.

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LauraBeth
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Mehso-so

Ariel Levy has the material to go into the deep end of the pool, but she never leaves the shallow waters. Levy reminds me a lot of Andrea from All Grown Up. I think if you loved All Grown Up you would enjoy this but if you loathed it, then this isn‘t for you. It‘s the same kind of re-shaping of the narrative to make it fit your story. The ends always justify the means.

You can knock this out in a day - so that‘s a plus.

LeahBergen Did Bitsy polish off the rest of the crappy doughnuts? 😄 7y
LauraBeth @LeahBergen she ate the entire box 🤫 7y
Lindy Hmmm. My Feminist Book Club has chosen this title for next month. Sounds like there‘ll be much to discuss. 7y
See All 22 Comments
BarbaraBB Your comparison to All Grown Up did it for me: I am not going to read it! (edited) 7y
LauraBeth @lindy I think that the parts that she didn‘t distill would make for some lively discussions. I actually hovered between so-so and pick. If her writing had been stronger, I‘d have said pick, but it wasn‘t the spectacular prose I was expecting from a New Yorker writer. 7y
LauraBeth @BarbaraBB I actually liked All Grown Up but I also understand why people were so turned off by it. Levy lacks the empathy connection to others that I found Andrea lacked. 7y
BookMaven407 🐶💕 7y
DGRachel Yay for Bitsy! 7y
Ddzmini Yum 🍩 7y
Suet624 I felt the same way about this book. I was surprised by all the fuss. A so-so for me. (edited) 7y
Redwritinghood Once again, we are on the same page with this one. I liked All Grown Up, but I didn‘t like this as much. I totally agree that she tried to fit a square peg into a round hole to make this book work. And it didn‘t. 7y
minkyb I enjoyed All Grown Up very much but this one did not interest me enough to add to my TBR and now I will definitely pass. My TBR says thank you! 7y
LauraBeth @Suet624 and @Redwritinghood it made me contemplate how much of the popularity of dual narrative novels has ruined me in the sense that I really wanted to hear the other side of the story. What were Lucy‘s actual feelings about everything (as told by her and not from Ariel‘s perspective)? 7y
LauraBeth @minkyb you‘re not missing much 7y
LauraBeth @BookMaven407 and @DGRachel Bitsy says hi 👋 7y
LauraBeth @Ddzmini 🍩❤️🍩❤️ 7y
Suet624 @LauraBeth that‘s a great point. It might have made for a more compelling read, for sure. I know too many of these folks who believe it‘s all about them. 7y
DebinHawaii I came by for a very long overdue #bitsyfix 🐶❤️ And to say hi & thank you for your comments and care. 💜 7y
LauraBeth Love ya chica ❤️ @DebinHawaii Bitsy says 😘 7y
britt_brooke I didn‘t care for this one either. For me to truly enjoy a memoir I need to like the person, and I just really didn‘t like her that much. Isn‘t that terrible? And I didn‘t care for her writing, either. 7y
LauraBeth No @britt_brooke - that‘s definitely not terrible! She failed to connect with me as well. 7y
143 likes1 stack add22 comments
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LauraBeth
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Looks like she‘s setting up her wife to blame her for everything and avoid taking responsibility for her own crap. Honestly, if you ignored red flags, that‘s on you. Says the Queen Of Ignoring Red Flags Land. 👸🙋‍♀️

Notafraidofwords My friend read this book and she said she was surprised that this woman got both a man and a woman to date her because she was so insufferable but I was sort of taken by the complete honest and ignorance and privilege that she displayed in these pages as the author of this book 7y
LauraBeth @Notafraidofwords I didn‘t find her to be insufferable - more like a selfish narcissist. I think that enabled her to be honest and yet somewhat emotionally detached 7y
Suet624 @LauraBeth You‘re exactly right. She was honest but so distant that i never really felt much from her. 7y
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Hollie I‘ve definitely spent my fair share of time in Ignoring Red Flags Land! 7y
LauraBeth That‘s one of the many reasons I adore you @Hollie 😀 7y
LauraBeth @Suet624 I tried really hard to see some contrition in her heart but I just failed to see it. It seemed that the spare sentences that she threw out about feeling guilty about cheating felt empty and devoid of remorse. Like someone had said to her, “You‘re at least going to have to SAY a few times that you felt guilty, even though you really weren‘t.” 7y
LauraBeth @Suet624 and it‘s like she couldn‘t be bothered to deal with Lucy‘s alcoholism. Love isn‘t always convenient. 7y
Suet624 @LauraBeth you‘re absolutely right. 7y
102 likes8 comments
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LauraBeth
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Not gonna lie - I may have dated someone while in my 20s solely because he lugged an air conditioner through NYC and back to my fifth floor walk up. Do y‘all know how difficult it is lugging a window air conditioner through NYC, up and down subway stairs, only to have to confront a staircase to Heaven at your apartment?

This why I shouldn‘t judge the person writing the memoir. I‘ve been just as shitty a person.

Cinfhen Who hasn't dated the "nice guy" for that very same reason?!? #justasguilty 7y
AmyG I didn‘t appreciate the “nice” guy until I was older. #justasguilty too. 7y
MiyakoBunny 😂😂😂Yup 🤦🏻‍♀️ 7y
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LeahBergen 😂😂 7y
minkyb I do indeed know about lugging heavy crap all over NYC. No judgement here! 7y
LauraBeth Summer in NYC is no joke! 😈🔥 @Cinfhen, @amyg, @MiyakoBunny, @LeahBergen, @minkyb 7y
105 likes6 comments