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You Are Your Best Thing
You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience | Bren Brown, Tarana Burke
23 posts | 10 read | 15 to read
Tarana Burke and Dr. Bren Brown bring together a dynamic group of Black writers, organizers, artists, academics, and cultural figures to discuss the topics the two have dedicated their lives to understanding and teaching: vulnerability and shame resilience. Contributions by Kiese Laymon, Imani Perry, Laverne Cox, Jason Reynolds, Austin Channing Brown, and more It started as a text between two friends. Tarana Burke, founder of the me too. Movement, texted researcher and writer Bren Brown to see if she was free to jump on a call. Bren assumed that Tarana wanted to talk about wallpaper. They had been trading home decorating inspiration boards in their last text conversation so Bren started scrolling to find her latest Pinterest pictures when the phone rang. But it was immediately clear to Bren that the conversation wasnt going to be about wallpaper. Taranas hello was serious and she hesitated for a bit before saying, Bren, you know your work affected me so deeply, but as a Black woman, Ive sometimes had to feel like I have to contort myself to fit into some of your words. The core of it rings so true for me, but the application has been harder. Bren replied, Im so glad were talking about this. It makes sense to me. Especially in terms of vulnerability. How do you take the armor off in a country where youre not physically or emotionally safe? Long pause. Thats why Im calling, said Tarana. What do you think about working together on a book about the Black experience with vulnerability and shame resilience? There was no hesitation. Burke and Brown are the perfect pair to usher in this stark, potent collection of essays on Black shame and healing. Along with the anthology contributors, they create a space to recognize and process the trauma of white supremacy, a space to be vulnerable and affirm the fullness of Black love and Black life.
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review
Singout
Pickpick

Good collection of essays with different takes on how the Black experience of racism intersects with shame, trauma, and vulnerability. I had varying responses to the essays, but found most of them moving and informational, with a wide range of themes. I particularly appreciated Burke and Brown's dialogue at the beginning about why they wanted to work together.

#SheSaid

#Nonfiction2024 #IKnowWhytheCagedBirdSings

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Singout

“There are things that my body doesn‘t allow me to do, like walking long distances. This means I can‘t really attend physical protests. So, I protest for change by the written word and across my platforms. I also fight by being all that I am without asking for permission.”

Yep. This is me. #SheSaid

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staci.reads
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Pickpick

I read this one in February and March with the #SheSaid group. This collection of essays was powerful. Thanks @Riveted_Reader_Melissa for this selection!

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CatLass007
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Pickpick

April #SheSaid #ReadAway2024 I can‘t recommend this book of essays enough. I may decide to read it again, maybe this year or next.

DieAReader 🥳Great! 9mo
Andrew65 Excellent recommendation 👏👏👏 9mo
CatLass007 @DieAReader @Andrew65 Great! I learned a lot from this book. (edited) 9mo
48 likes3 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

Another one in the books! I‘m not quite finished yet, but still moving along slowly. I am finding that I need to take these slow, read one and let it percolate for a bit before starting the next. How are you all feeling as you finish up this section and this book?

CatLass007 I find myself taking these slowly also. I have two more essays left to listen to but I already have Make Trouble standing by. 10mo
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DebinHawaii I finished the book last week as the library book needed to go back. Overall, I thought it a great collection—powerful & moving & I am still thinking about some of the essays. 10mo
AllDebooks I've got my copy ready to go 10mo
willaful I'm also reading slowly, despite appreciating every essay. It's a lot! 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @willaful I know I was feeling bad about falling behind, but sometimes it‘s better to go slow absorb it all too. 10mo
mhillis Thanks for recommending this book! The essays are powerful. It gave me a different perspective 10mo
38 likes8 comments
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DebinHawaii
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Pickpick

#ReadAway2024 #FabulousFebruary #20in4 #readathon

We actually have another week to read the final section for #SheSaid but I need to get my library copy back so I finished it. Having recently read/reread a couple of Brown‘s books for work leadership classes & Burke‘s Unbound for #SheSaid in September I was very interested in reading this book of essays on shame by Black cultural figures, writers, activists, etc. it‘s moving, powerful & while ⬇️

DebinHawaii …not every essay struck as deeply for me or was as relatable, I learned from each of them & they made me think hard about my privilege & the need to act as a better ally for those who are marginalized. Tarana Burke put it well in the end: “You deserve safety, you deserve protection, you deserve love, you deserve peace. Breathe, beloved. Let's do it together, right now.” 10mo
DieAReader 🥳Great 10mo
Andrew65 Brilliant 🎉🎉🎉 10mo
53 likes3 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

How are you doing this weekend?

Riveted_Reader_Melissa I‘m helping with homework today 😂… So I‘ll catch up on the comments when I get a chance later. I‘m still finding this book very relatable, even if I was not its intended audience. Which to me highlights how universal some of the themes are, even when it is highlighting a specific group that often does not get recognized…. Or maybe more gets downplayed by society as not having yet another of one of those very human qualities. So getting a ⤵️ 10mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ lot from it, but trying to remember and take in the message too. That just like the “Strong Black Woman” can hide that Black Woman have pain too and lead it to be untreated or taken seriously and therefore bad hospital outcomes for normal things like childbirth. Take what I can personally, but also remember the bigger message here. 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa I wish it was something we‘d get past as a society…that some humans are not seen as human yet..still…ever….but we are so very far from that. 10mo
CatLass007 Your last comment is achingly true. 10mo
staci.reads @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Good points. The essays in this section held less personal connections for me. This was a reminder that it was time to sit back, listen, and learn. 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads it‘s odd, but after I wrote this I saw two things that reflected it back to me…one was a special about diabetes….and losing limbs to it…. Again, relatable, my grandfather had the sane happen. But the story was specifically about African Americans who are more likely to have limbs amputated from diabetes than others….why? Again like maternity deaths..race played a huge role. From being untrusting of doctors and shots (like insulin)⤵️ 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa …from decades of bad science practiced on African Americans in this country, to the amputate and send them home, so not lots of time and effort on the medical fields end…besides other treatments take time & money.🙄 which basically is assuming a group of the population isn‘t worth the time, assumes they won‘t follow through, or that they can‘t afford it. Again, relatable.. but much deeper issues that are not about and go way beyond the parts I ⤵️ 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ Find relatable. So listen & learn, and not just think ‘oh yea, my grandfather too…same‘ (edited) 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa The other was about the current case against Fani Willis, the DA in a case against Trump for election interference that now is on trial for improperly dating the prosecutor. Someone had posted a link to an article on it on an earlier thread for this book, but the initial..‘yea, women are judged different…same‘ thought, needed to give way to the others discussing how hard it is for Black Women especially and especially on this case. ⤵️ 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ some of the allegation was financial benefit… but this show talked about how the Doxing and threats started very early on because of that other case, which means she often paid in cash for things, just so people couldn‘t track her to stalk her/picket her/protest her/or worse…and even her father testifying how he taught her from a young age to keep a safe box and keep cash, because you never knew when your money could be kept or taken from you⤵️ 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ your cards not accepted here, just because. He was very interesting to listen to. So again, so many more factors than you realize at first glance….if you listen long enough and pay attention. 10mo
DebinHawaii @staci.reads I love how you put this. It‘s how I felt about this section too. 10mo
29 likes14 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

I hope you are having a good weekend and enjoying these essays by different authors. Some are so very powerful and relatable.

See you in the comments!

Riveted_Reader_Melissa Anyone else thinking of adding Brené Brown to their reading list…as a bunch of essays refer to her work/writing. (edited) 10mo
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CatLass007 Brene Brown has been on my radar for the last several months. Because of this book she‘s moved way up on my priority list. If anyone is familiar with her writing, I‘d love some guidance about to read first. 10mo
willaful I'm really enjoying the essays. As a fat woman, I relate a lot to the mistrust around medical care, and I enjoyed the free use of the word “crazy,“ because I've trained myself not to use terms other people find disparaging but honestly, crazy is a really meaningful word. 10mo
Singout I‘m totally behind, but as a Christian could totally relate to “Love Lifted Me” Not so much from the experience of personal shame, but the description of how Christian cultural groups can have a huge influence on members of their community. The last few sentences about how much better we could do really inspired me. 10mo
DebinHawaii @CatLass007 I would start with either The Gifts of Imperfection or Daring Greatly although I am working my way through Atlas of the Heart right now & it‘s also very good. 10mo
DebinHawaii I am enjoying the essays as well. I thought Marc Lamont Hill‘s point was very powerful: “It‘s not enough for me to just not be homophobic. I cannot be friends with homophobes. I have to actually be willing to divest myself from relationships that are unhealthy. We all do.” And I really liked The Blues of Vulnerability” too—about making the space to listen to younger people as how we transform & change the world. 10mo
CatLass007 @DebinHawaii Thank you.😘 I know there are many who think we shouldn‘t end friendships for “political” reasons. But I have divested myself from relationships because of moral reasons. It‘s not easy but do I really want to be friends with the cousin who thinks that Abraham Lincoln shouldn‘t have started the Civil War and he ruined the country? (edited) 10mo
staci.reads @CatLass007 I would recommend Dare to Lead as well 10mo
CatLass007 @staci.reads Thank you! 10mo
staci.reads In Love Lifted Me, I highlighted "And the sad part is, some of us have so internalized such a skewed and distorted version of our faith tradition that we perpetuate this kind of emotional and spiritual violence on other women. To the point where men no longer have to be the enactors." Across the board, women have to be better at not harming other women with our internalized patriarchial biases. 10mo
staci.reads I also appreciated Marc Lamotte Hill calling out men's "expressions of masculine rage" as emotion too and calling out that double standard, highlighting that "as long as our only legible emotion is anger, we are never shamed like women are for their emotions." 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @DebinHawaii Yes! It took me a long time to get there, especially with relatives that I for some reason thought I could not cut out…but eventually I realized that being quiet made them think I agreed, and pushing back with facts did no good, so not hanging around them was the best for all involved. They can be close-minded and bitter without me, I don‘t need it in my life. 🤷‍♀️ 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @willaful Yes, I‘m finding a lot of this relatable as just a woman myself…not to mention all the other labels people seem to discriminate against. 10mo
willaful @staci.reads Oh very true. Women can be excellent tools of the patriarchy. 10mo
CatLass007 @Riveted_Reader_Melissa That‘s a very brave thing for you to do. If you divest yourself from a family member, are any other family members going to push back and tell you you‘re making the wrong decision? It‘s something that can really be painful. 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CatLass007 I think my family has some very deeply divided lines, and for years liberal lefties and national security conservatives could at least see what each meant, agreed on some things, agreed to disagree on others, but very civil. I think Trump pushed all that and changed how people converse about them. He destroyed the middle group issues, and encouraged everyone to be as uncivil in their discussions as possible. People I use to have⤵️ 9mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ crazy holiday conversations with and just shake my head after… now you can not engage in conversation at all. Because it is all their way or nothing, no discussion, and the amount of misinformation and now outright Russian propaganda they are starting to parrot is hard to meet them halfway on. Could I meet you halfway and say we both have good points about military spending verses domestic spending…sure. Can I meet you halfway about ⤵️ 9mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ funding for Ukraine, or women‘s rights, or geez…even Bill Cosby… no, I can not. You want to think all umpteen accusers were all lying for publicity and are happy he got out on a technicality when he admitted he did it. I could agree the law messed up that case, but not that he was innocent 🙄. 9mo
CatLass007 @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Trump has done so much to harm our country and if he gets elected, he will have a scorched earth effect. He loves the drama and the chaos because he‘s got people jumping through his hoops. It really is a circus. 9mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa And sadly for me it highlighted very serious flaws in their thinking and reasoning, and how they truly feel about and treat other human beings. Basically unleashed their more racist, homophobia, Muslim, Jewish, women hating selves (whatever trump is on that week)…and I‘m not ok with that. It feels like it‘s devolved into Hate, just for Hate‘s sake. And again, whatever he says is the “truth”. 9mo
CatLass007 @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I was skeptical of the accusations against Bill Cosby. I grew up with Bill Cosby, starting with Fat Albert and moving on to Jell-O pudding and The Cosby Show. I couldn‘t understand how he and Phylicia Rashad managed to make two tv shows together. How did she manage to avoid being another woman he‘d assaulted? How did she not know what was going on? But I watched the Amazon Prime Documentary and I finally got it. His (cont) 9mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CatLass007 Did you see Jimmy Kimmel interviews with Trump supporters where he changed the names from Trump to Biden and got totally different answers 9mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CatLass007 I loved Picture Pages 9mo
CatLass007 ability to create such a realistic facade. Realistic to millions and to the people closest to him. 9mo
CatLass007 I don‘t watch late night tv. Although if a clip shows up on my news feed, I sometimes watch it. I may look this one up. 9mo
CatLass007 @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Picture Pages? I was just thinking that Trump doesn‘t even bother to build a facade. The ugliness and vileness inside him are on full display. 9mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CatLass007 picture Pages was another thing Cosby did when I was little along with Fat Albert 9mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CatLass007 I‘ll attach a clip here ⤴️ for Kimmel (edited) 9mo
CatLass007 @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Wow, I don‘t remember Picture Pages at all. Thinks for the Kimmel link. 9mo
CatLass007 Oh, good lord! People are so, not just hypocritical, but gullible, to excuse Trump‘s behavior. I don‘t know in what part of the country in which you live, but I live in East Tennessee and the area is about as red as it gets. In past presidential elections one precinct only voted blue and there‘s a good sized university there. I‘ve been fortunate to make a few friends who are liberal/progressive. 9mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CatLass007 I‘m in the middle of Pennsylvania… and it‘s rural and deep red too. 9mo
CatLass007 I saw an election map of Tennessee. I can‘t find the picture but in West Tennessee (where Memphis is located) it‘s solid blue and as the colors move from west to east they fade to purple (around Nashville) to solid blue, which is where I live. Oy. 9mo
37 likes37 comments
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Singout

One day, when I am old and gray, with whitish blue rings around my failing eyes…I won‘t only have to reach up for my peace, but I‘ll be able to reach out, to a faith community that values my mental, physical, and emotional safety over just my survival. Love absolutely, will lift us but there are generations of Nanas, mamas, and baby girls looking for something else to help out. The church has so much more than shame to give us. #SheSaid

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Singout

The shift that needs to happen is the one that aligns with the Gospel the most: embracing mystery leaves room for our own mysterious emotional responses, and allows love to fill us up in ways that our certain faith never could…This is why the binaries of certainty: “do this and go to heaven, don‘t do this, and go to hell,” are so problematic.
Tracey Michae‘l Lewis-Giggetts
#SheSaid

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CatLass007
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#SheSaid I‘m listening to the section we will be discussing tomorrow and took a news break. I wasn‘t looking for anything in particular, I just wanted to scroll through the news. This article about Fani Willis reminded me of what Anita Hill was put through during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings. https://abcnews.go.com/amp/US/wireStory/fani-willis-testimony-evokes-long-standi...

CatLass007 Have we as a nation made any progress in all this time? 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa No, it sadly hasn‘t. I watched part of it on CourtTV and found myself thinking she was prosecuting and being persecuted for a consensual adult relationship…while the man her real legal case is against has had multiple illegal adult relationships including rape & slandering the survivor to porn stars AND playboy bunnies and paying them off to keep it quiet while he was married. But hey, he‘s a rich white guy so everyone goes 🤷‍♀️, but a lady ⤵️ 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ having an adult relationship 😱 10mo
40 likes4 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

I hope your weekend is going well….and I hope you are all enjoying this one. See you in the comments ⤵️

Riveted_Reader_Melissa I‘m “liking” this book. It can be raw, but I really appreciate that. Sometimes the things we keep to ourselves to be strong, are the things we need to share to be human. 10mo
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CatLass007 This is a book I would encourage any Black woman to read. I would encourage anyone who has experienced trauma and has experienced shame because of the trauma, to read it. And probably people who provide therapy or counseling. (edited) 10mo
staci.reads This has been a great read so far. "We often carry our trama in similar ways, but the roads that led us to the trauma are all so different. We must pay attention to that road. That road is our humanity." What a great passage to help introduce the purpose of the collection of essays! 10mo
staci.reads I loved Jason Reynolds's essay. The parallel stories of his grandfather and his mother's hospitalizations and the oak tree metaphors really worked for me. His mother sounds like an amazing woman. 10mo
staci.reads I really connected with Channing Brown's essay, too. The discussion of "foreboding joy" felt personal to me, but the next level, the increased awareness the "level of apprehension" [for Black people] "that isn't wrought from an uneasy feeling of undeservedness, but from the knowledge that racism is a silent stalker always willing to wring joy from our lives." Just powerfully stated. 10mo
staci.reads Hemphill's piece was filled with highlights for me as well. "It is necessary for your safety that you've know what this world finds dangerous about you." "This country has made a practice of denying the existence of trauma in Black bodies and communities and also denying its own role, ultimately, in traumatizing us." Just a couple that stood out. 10mo
DebinHawaii @staci.reads I wrote down that quote on trauma & the roads that led us there too. Very powerful. 10mo
DebinHawaii Having read a lot of Brene‘ Brown, her concept of “foreboding joy” has always resonated with me so I found Channing Brown‘s essay especially powerful. 10mo
DebinHawaii @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I am liking it too. Very powerful and raw. 10mo
Singout I started this two weeks ago, and I‘m listening to it as audios, so it‘s to remember what came from which author, but I am really finding it valuable. Laymon really resonated with me; I found the last one in the set important, but a bit too dense to follow in audio. I loved the passionate and honest dialogue between Tarana Burke and Brené Brown at the beginning. 10mo
CatLass007 I like the introduction to new-to-me writers. I‘ve added several to my Audible wish list and now that I have my new glasses I‘m thinking about which books would work better in print. The authors have put a lot of “bang” into these brief essays. 10mo
MallenNC I am liking this one too. I haven‘t ever actually read Brene Brown (no reason, I just haven‘t) and was kind of curious about her involvement here so I‘m glad she and Tarana Burke included their conversation in the intro. 10mo
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Singout
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“ I was 13 when my grandfather‘s leg was amputated.”
#FirstLineFridays
@ShyBookOwl

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Singout

It took two minutes on Google for me to understand that I‘d been having“panic attacks.” I couldn‘t understand why the doctors looked at my tucked-in shirts, heard my fake accent, and still refused to do anything other than treat me like a n*. That‘s crazy. My problem, I guess, is that I don‘t think being crazy should stop us from being compassionate and actively regretful about structural or interpersonal harm we‘ve caused. #SheSaid

CatLass007 I‘m looking forward to beginning our discussion of this book tomorrow. Nope, it‘s after midnight, so we‘ll be discussing it today. 10mo
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DebinHawaii
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Mini #LibraryHaul yesterday. I picked up my hold of the tagged book for #SheSaid as I thought it started today. (It‘s next week 2/11).🤦🏻‍♀️ I‘ve been wanting to read T. Kingfisher‘s What Moves the Dead (in my Feb #TBR) & saw their Thorn Hedge which looks short & good. Finally I sweet-talked my fave librarian to get me a jump on the hold line for the Haven‘s Rock #2 book which comes out 2/20 & isn‘t available for hold yet at my library. Since ⬇️

DebinHawaii …it‘s going on their February order which doesn‘t place until mid-month, it‘s doubtful it will arrive until March so I may just end up using an Audible credit laying about & get it on it‘s release. But I got to be first on the list, had a good education on the inner-workings of library ordering, & bonded over which Pride and Prejudice movie/tv adaptation is best, so time well spent! 😉 #lovelibrarians 10mo
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Singout

In co-creation, lived experience always trumps academic experience…you can‘t make your research accessible to people if you don‘t prioritize lived experience, relevance, and accessibility.
#SheSaid

TheBookHippie 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 10mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Up Next for #SheSaid!

Put in your library holds and interlibrary loans!

AllDebooks I'm going to skip this one as I can't get hold of a copy. Please keep me on the taglist tho. 11mo
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DebinHawaii I put it on hold at my library so 🤞🏼 it comes in! 11mo
CatLass007 Please add me to your tag list. I‘ve already got my book and look forward to reading and discussing this with a new group of Littens. I decided to read more nonfiction this year so I‘m signed up for this, #NaturaLitsy2024, and I am pouring over the Bingo card for #Nonfiction2024. Then I looked on Goodreads and discovered I read more nonfiction than I realized in 2023. Now I‘m even more excited to do the two buddy reads and the Bingo challenge. 11mo
Singout Just started last night: excellent insights! 11mo
staci.reads The Kindle version of this is $4.99 right now. I just got my first Kindle a few days ago, so I was excited to make this one of my first downloads! 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads Excellent! I got mine from the library, but might just buy it. I‘m liking this one so far. 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @AllDebooks & @DebinHawaii On sale on kindle $4.99 if you are interested (edited) 10mo
CatLass007 @Riveted_Reader_Melissa What time of day do you usually post discussion questions? Do you tag the group on all or any of the questions? 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CatLass007 yes, I post the tag list every time. And it‘s usually between noon & 1pm East Coast US time. But sometimes it‘s off depending on my weekend plans. 10mo
CatLass007 Great! Thank you. 10mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CatLass007 You‘re welcome 10mo
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ncsufoxes
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Pickpick

I‘m behind, but this was my one book I read for the month of February #bookspin bingo. I was finally getting back into a good rhythm with reading & then I got a job. After being a stay at home mom for the last 11.5 years I‘m back to working. I listed to this on audio which was nice to hear most of the authors read their own stories. There was a lot of references to Brene Brown‘s work. So many powerful stories dealing with racism, inter

ncsufoxes generational trauma, transphobia. Overall powerful & continues to give me things to think about & put into practice & perspective as I continue on my anti racism journey. #nonfiction2023 prompt: Imagine (edited) 2y
TheAromaofBooks Great progress!! 2y
Smrloomis Congratulations on the new job! I hope it‘s a good new phase for you 💕 2y
28 likes3 comments
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ilyssa.g
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Pickpick

1st book I finished of the year! Such a phenomenal read! I loved the focuses on intersectionality, mental health, and growth. Each essay was well-written; there was not one I didn‘t like. I also loved that the book featured discussion on Afro-Latinas; I have found that this population is often ignored or glided over. There was such genuineness, knowledge, and tenderness to the book. Each author, Brown, and Burke are inspirations!

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vlwelser
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Pickpick

This is an important and interesting group of essays. They're by famous authors and other famous figures. The essays are mostly about dealing with shame. I highly recommend it.

#BookSpinBingo @TheAromaofBooks

My book club picked this as our May book 2#. Not that it's less important but 1# is for fun and 2# is to educate ourselves. This month we read The Sentence and this one. I love my local book club.

TheAromaofBooks Woohoo!! And I love the idea of picking two books for club that accomplish two different reading goals - a fun balance!! 3y
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amma-keep-reading
Pickpick

a conversation starter

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Julsmarshall
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Pickpick

Powerful, intelligent, relatable. This was a great read that will stay with me for a long time. Great on #audio ! #BookspinBingo @TheAromaofBooks #integrateyourshelf

TheAromaofBooks Great progress!! 3y
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Professional_Book_Dragon
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Pickpick

Maybe I‘m just emotional lately but this book got to me. Stories about vulnerability and shame from the Black experience. Laverne Cox, Jasón Reynolds, and so many wrote harrowing essays that just shook me. This book was written for Black people (as it should be) but I think white people need to listen to this for empathy and understanding.

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