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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

The Invisible Orientation Discussion Question #5

What were your takeaways from this book? What surprised you and challenged your biases? How can you use the research in this book to educate others and advocate for people on the asexual spectrum?

LitsyFeministBookClub @Hooked_on_books @moranadatter @katycronk @saresmoore @Notafraidofwords @Riveted_Reader_Melissa @becausetrains @batsy 8y

moranadatter The biggest takeaway for me was how similar some of the lived experiences of bi, trans and ace people are and yet how seldom that is recognized. 8y

batsy For me, learning about how people lived & navigated diverse forms of relationships. Like @moranadatter says, there are similar points of experiences between queer & ace people but because this is not talked about much due to social pressure+ostracisation, & hardly reflected in the media, it's easy for people to feel isolated thinking they're the only ones who feel this way. Personally, it was a comfort/relief to read & I hope it it is for others. 8y

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

Which resources that Decker mentioned have you checked out? Which would you recommend or were most helpful to add to the book's content?

LitsyFeministBookClub @Hooked_on_books @moranadatter @katycronk @saresmoore @Notafraidofwords @Riveted_Reader_Melissa @becausetrains @batsy 8y

rachelm I loved the AVEN website. I thought it was really well laid out. As an educator, if one of my students asked for resources I would absolutely point them in that direction! 8y

Notafraidofwords @rachelm I second that !!! 8y

29 likes3 comments

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

LitsyFeministBookClub Tagging at your request: @Hooked_on_books @moranadatter @katycronk @saresmoore And for participating before: @Notafraidofwords @Riveted_Reader_Melissa @becausetrains @batsy (edited) 8y

Hooked_on_books It certainly serves as a resource and a way to raise awareness. It would be great to see more asexual characters in books and other entertainment to raise awareness as well. Certainly talking about it here and on other social media can bring additional awareness to this orientation spectrum. 8y

saresmoore I only wish I'd had this book in high school. As a parent, I'm glad to be able to have informed & honest conversations with my children about asexuality (and all orientations) to help perpetuate a healthy acceptance and understanding as the norm for future generations. 8y

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moranadatter Having accurate information available and easy to access is huge. While this is not the first book written on asexuality for a general audience, there are so few books about asexuality that it might be the only 101 book available to some readers. I'd like to see more. More nonfiction and more ace rep in fiction. 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa I think this book is a great resource, but it's just a small part of a huge awareness promotion that's needed. I'd like to see more books and like @moranadatter said more ace representation in fiction and more non-fiction books as well. I really appreciated that the author made this book available on Hoopla for instance, so that it would be easily accessible to a wider audience. It would be great if it was listed along the spectrum more often.. 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ..in any forum, just to give people the name to be able to go and research further. 8y

TheNextBook All I kept thinking while reading this is "representation matters." Seeing yourself reflected in your enviroment through entertainment is essential. I thought this was a really great resource and I love that the author quoted so many people and shared their experiences as well. 8y

Hooked_on_books @TheNextBook I agree--seeing yourself represented is so validating. Especially for people who are marginalized in any way. I also think it would be great to see ace characters in graphic novels. I can't get into them, but they've become so popular, including with younger people and those who don't otherwise read, so that would really spread out awareness. 8y

rachelm I know so many people who would have benefitted from a book like this in high school or college. To date myself, when I was in college I was part of the GSA-- Gay Straight Alliance. Only in my junior year did the LGBTQIA+ become the discussed terminology and boy did that make a difference in deepening discussion. 8y

batsy Having books like these around help, especially for kids who are uncertain or unable to bring up the topic with loved ones and friends. As the author suggests, it can be used as an intro for non-asexual people to understand where the ace person is coming from without blundering in and saying alienating/hurtful things. It's important for us to create safe spaces for these voices by pushing back against people who demean or invalidate asexuality. 8y

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

What did you glean from Decker's detailed descriptions of asexuality in the book? Were there things she mentions about the asexuality spectrum that you were unaware of before or made you challenge a bias you previously had? How do her descriptions help empower people who are asexual and educate those who aren't?

LitsyFeministBookClub Tagging at your request: @Hooked_on_books @moranadatter @katycronk @saresmoore And for participating last night: @Notafraidofwords @Riveted_Reader_Melissa @becausetrains @batsy 8y

Hooked_on_books I loved the inclusion of all the details of aspects of the ace spectrum. I think it really goes to show that there is a broad spectrum and people may fall anywhere on it. It allows for much greater inclusiveness, which will only benefit those on the spectrum. 8y

saresmoore @Hooked_on_books I appreciated the detailed outline of the spectrum, as well. When I first learned about asexuality, I assumed it was very exclusive. Reading Decker's thorough description of just how inclusive the spectrum can be was very empowering for me. It also gave clear and helpful words to something I've been struggling to articulate for years. 8y

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Notafraidofwords I agree with all of the above. I think the amount of detail helped me understand myself and others better. I also loved that I could photocopy certain pages for reference. I also love that it's intersectional as well. She talks about Latino culture and asexuality a little bit and I appreciated that. Sometimes it's hard to find a nonfiction book that includes minorities. 8y

katycronk I liked how she introduced the spectrum. She also spoke to the reader like they didn't know about asexuality but didn't treat you like you're dumb 8y

becausetrains @katycronk same, and likewise for introducing people's stories about being both a regular person and someone who identifies as asexual. It reinforces to non-ace readers that being ace is one of many important aspects of their lives, not a sole definition. 8y

batsy Yes to what's already been said. I thought it was very helpful how she clarified it as an orientation and when on to talk in depth about sexual desire and types of relationships, levels of physical intimacy, etc. I think it would help anyone understand diverse experiences of romantic relationships, especially when we're bombarded with only a certain kind of message in the media. I think it should be required reading for non-asexual people as well. 8y

rachelm @batsy totally agree. There are so many misconceptions and the idea of "only one right way to be" ( within either asexual or non orientations) is so damaging. This book does such an excellent job. Required for sure. 8y

moranadatter @rachelm Good point! 8y

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Riveted_Reader_Melissa

Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Sondra Decker

pick

This one was a bit of a harder read for me, I found it a bit repetitive in parts, but sometimes that's exactly what's needed in an intro book as the author explains asexuality from definitions to discussing with different audiences. Definitely a must read for those interested in learning more about Asexuality, what it means, what terms within the community mean, & most importantly how to start conversations with family & loved ones about this....

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ... often 'invisible' orientation to foster better understanding about this part of the spectrum. Plus it contains a lot of other resources for further exploration of this topic. 8y

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

Based on Decker's own experiences with describing herself as asexual, what can we determine about how society defines relationships and sexual experiences?

Also as a starting point, what did you know or not know about asexuality before reading this book? Did you know it existed and how it's defined, or was it a new concept for you?

LitsyFeministBookClub Tagging at your request: @Hooked_on_books @moranadatter @katycronk @saresmoore 8y

Notafraidofwords I mean the whole world feels like it's suited for a heterosexual couple to enjoy. You can't watch a movie, listen to the radio or move along in your day without some innuendo about sex. Everything is about sex. That could be really alienating for an asexual person. 8y

Gezemice I missed this selection, but I must read this because my daughter identifies as asexual. I remember the first time she said this and I just dismissed her, saying she just has not met the right person yet. She got really upset, that's when I realized she was serious - I apologized. In hindsight my reaction was probably because I have never heard of it before. I guess that's why it is invisible. 8y

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Hooked_on_books I agree with @Notafraidofwords . Ads, big time, are focused on heterosexual sex along with your examples. It's a frank assumption of "normal," and if one doesn't fit that, they are clearly "abnormal." I was definitely aware of the orientation because I am a variation of it which I never had a name for before: graysexual. It's validating to know others are like me. 8y

Hooked_on_books @Gezemice You should definitely read this book! I think it will help you understand where your daughter is coming from and open up communications. I'm sure she'll be delighted that you are learning about it. 8y

Gezemice @Hooked_on_books Yes, I will definitely read it. My big problem was that I want grandkids... she assured me this does not mean she will not have kids. I was relieved. In any case, I just want her to be happy! 8y

saresmoore @Notafraidofwords Absolutely re: media. I think Decker's experiences highlight the "ignorance is bliss" attitude. Sex is both considered to be penultimate to relationship health AND taboo to discuss openly. It was extremely alienating for me as a very young married woman to be dismissed repeatedly by people I loved when I tried to discuss what I assumed was something wrong with me! 8y

saresmoore @Gezemice I have two daughters and identify as demisexual, bordering on totally asexual. So, it's definitely possible! It's amazing that your daughter is empowered, though, because a marriage characterized by denial/ignorance and repeated coercion is NOT a good situation. 8y

Notafraidofwords @saresmoore @Hooked_on_books you both describe it so perfectly. Is so confusing, because on one hand too much sex makes a woman a slut and never having it makes her part of a joke. This book is extremely validating. I often think of Sheldon from the Big Bang theory. If you're not careful, the viewer won't realize that we are laughing at him and not with him. 8y

Notafraidofwords @saresmoore I don't mean to pry...but your comment gives me hope... a marriage is possible? 🙂 8y

saresmoore @Notafraidofwords It is! I didn't know what asexual was until my bi BFF said, "Hey, Sar, is it possible that you're a-spec?"...two years ago. I've been married for ten! So I wouldn't recommend my route, but I know that all good marriages involve mutual trust and compromise. I have a really good marriage now and we've both had to come to terms with a LOT, but it's been so worth it! 8y

Notafraidofwords @saresmoore wow. I'm comforted by your words. I would never do this over social media, but I would love to totally have a conversation with you. I have been sort of struggling for a long time regarding this and have little people to turn to...except books on the subject. 8y

BookishFeminist @Notafraidofwords Long-term relationships totally possible. I'm asexual, not even demi or gray and I've been with my partner for 7 years and planning to get married. I had the realization a while back but it's been something I've known ever since classmates and friends started developing sexual attraction or crushes in late elementary/middle school. Supportive partnerships don't need to be based on sex at all, & both can compromise. 8y

BookishFeminist As for society at large, as someone who's ace I am *very done* with the way society pressures everyone to have sex or be deemed a "prude" or "unhealthy." I've had to deal with this nonsense from boyfriends, ppl who have hit on me (some which have resulted in sex assault & rape after me saying no), to even *doctors* like OBGYN & psychiatrists questioning whether something is wrong with me when I indicate "low libido." 8y

Notafraidofwords @BookishFeminist that's great comfort. Thank you ❤️ 8y

BookishFeminist I've had a doctor even recently condescend to me about making my relationship "less stressful" by having sex more. (Male doctor, no surprise.) it's exhausting tbh. I've always felt the need to "fake" having attraction to celebrities or people to "fit in" and not be pressured by friends. I've also had friends tell me outright that i was weird for not getting into hookup culture in college. The idea that sex is a requirement to participate in our... 8y

saresmoore @BookishFeminist Yes! I can relate to all of those situations. 8y

saresmoore @Notafraidofwords My email is saraesmoore at gmail. I'm not an expert, but I'm happy to converse and encourage as much as I can! ♥️ 8y

moranadatter Sex is often treated by the media and society at large as though it is a stage in a relationship or an indication of a relationship's health and/or level of intimacy. I am really tired of seeing sex used as a means of legitimacy for relationships and identity. I see a lot of parallels between how asexual and bisexual people are treated: Being told their orientations don't exist, having their orientation questioned based on whether or not they ... 8y

BookishFeminist culture and society or be ostracized as "weird" or participate and feel alienated is nonsense. For me it's been a relief getting older because friends are now less concerned with dating, clubbing etc. and our activities are less likely to involve those types of rituals that are particularly endemic in your teens and twenties. 8y

BookishFeminist @Notafraidofwords ❤️❤️ you've got my number. 8y

BookishFeminist @moranadatter Yep, there are a lot of similarities between bisexuality and asexuality in the way they are treated or given legitimacy. I'm also completely done with gatekeeping in the LGBTQ+ community where this happens a lot. 8y

Notafraidofwords @saresmoore thank you. I'll definitely take you up on that offer! 8y

Notafraidofwords @BookishFeminist thank you. It means a lot ❤️ 8y

moranadatter have had sex and with whom, being told they're faking it or benefit from "straight privilege," lack of information and invisibility. 8y

Notafraidofwords @BookishFeminist my female doctor just keeps suggesting to keep doing it more often...🤦‍♂️ 8y

BookishFeminist @Notafraidofwords SWITCH DOCTORS IF YOU CAN 8y

saresmoore @moranadatter Wow, yes. Great observations. 8y

moranadatter @BookishFeminist I'm right there with you re: Gatekeeping in LGBTQ+ spaces. 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa I have to admit....I'm not finished with this book yet, and at times I feel like I'm slogging through because it seems to circle around and back to some areas repeatedly, but at the same time I find myself relating to a lot of this too. There is definitely one perceived "normal" way to be and anyone who identifies or acts otherwise is questioned, perceived as less than, and needing help or correction. And as a woman I definitely relate to the... 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ...you are either a slut an oddball because you just aren't that interested. 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa I spent most of my teen, tweens, college years just not that interested. My friends never got it, I just figured it was the way I was, and didn't think much about it, let alone give it a name. I didn't start dating until much later in life (after college) and even so I saw a lot of stigma around being perceived as a goodie two shoes by my friends who thought they should hook-me-up. So non-understanding just to being out of the 'norm' in anyway. 8y

becausetrains Can confirm an ace/non-ace relationship can work for the long term. It gets stronger when you both understand what asexuality is and isn't, and that it has nothing to do with romantic leanings or desire for a partnership. 😊 Love you, @BookishFeminist ❤️ 8y

moranadatter @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I struggled with the repetition too. The book read to me like a few standalone essays rather than a complete volume. I'd be curious to hear what people who had very little prior knowledge of asexuality thought of it and if the repetition was helpful. 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa @moranadatter I had not heard of the term before but I felt like I had gone to an informational seminar to learn more, picked up every pamphlet offered & then read them all back to back. First I definitely shouldn't have waited & then read fast, that was my mistake. But I did wish she would have started with a bit more of her personal story, before she got into the terms and definitions...all useful for navigating the discussion and internet...: 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ... later, but a bit info load heavy to start off with. 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa @moranadatter It's good to hear a few of you have had similar gatekeeping issues as the author. I definitely got that from her section too....trying to explain both sides to the other and why they are better off united. I would have said she had a beef underlying that section that she was trying to clear up, but it sounds like it's a more universal matter and very rightly included. 8y

Notafraidofwords @moranadatter I definitely found it helpful. The repetition helped me solidify my feelings and helped me find a way to explain it to someone else. 8y

moranadatter @Notafraidofwords That makes sense. Thank you! 8y

BookishFeminist @Riveted_Reader_Melissa what do you mean by you thought the author had beef in the section on gatekeeping? (edited) 8y

becausetrains @moranadatter 🙋🏻‍♂️ I didn't learn about asexuality until recently, and it helped for Decker to keep reinforcing the same themes. She is the first to write a general-audience book on asexuality, and took on the burden of explaining asexuality to non-aces while making sure asexuals (gray, demi, etc.) feel represented and empowered to come out if they choose. I don't blame her for biasing the book toward the latter. ☺️ 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BookishFeminist I mean she spent a lot have time discussing both sides of the asexual inclusion under the LGBTQ umbrella from both sides. Why they might feel some shouldn't be included, and then answering why they should, how they could be useful to each other, etc. It read to me like she'd been in the middle of A LOT of those discussions and trying very hard to get both sides to see the others point of view. Just reading it, I'd think she.... 8y

BookishFeminist @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I see it literally every time there's a discussion on asexuality in the LGBTQ+ community. It's super super common. Not exaggerating. 8y

moranadatter @becausetrains Huh? I'm a bit confused by your response. When talking about the book feeling like separate essays, I meant each section felt like it was the same information repackaged for a different audience. What @Notafraidofwords said about that approach helping because it showed how to explain asexuality to different groups made sense to me. 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ...was in a tense group and laying it all out there in detail from both sides was her way of solidifying her arguments in print, but two of you responded about gatekeeping here, which makes me think that as opposed to one persons stuck in the middle situation, it's much more of a universal issue. 8y

BookishFeminist @Riveted_Reader_Melissa It's definitely a universal issue. Many people in the LGBTQ+ community make it no secret of being openly aphobic. I usually go to events as an "ally" because it's often easier that way, but it's also harder in some ways bc it fees like i can't be true to myself. The queer community can be oversexualized. Idc what others do nor does it bother me that it's on display, but I think that plays some part in ostracizing aspec ppl. 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BookishFeminist Yep, that's what I meant. Having two people here say the same, took that whole section from author's opinion to much more widespread. 8y

becausetrains @moranadatter that's more or less what I mean too. Since Decker needed to explicitly include a number of audiences who have different experiences from each other and from heteronormative society, variations on a theme is an inclusive way for people with different learning styles and identities feel included in the conversation. (It also gives non-aces a deeper understanding of the facets of ace life.) 8y

moranadatter @becausetrains Okay, I'm following you now. Thanks for clarifying. 😀 8y

becausetrains @moranadatter 👍🏼😎 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BookishFeminist Yep, and that is definitely a huge shame. I can see more now why she laid it all out in that section. More in making her case to the larger umbrella for inclusion. I haven't been involved with LBGTQ groups or information exchanges since my college days in the nineties, asexuality was not a term I heard then, and our main educational pushes at the time were understanding, safe space, and safe sex. I'm thrilled at the strides... 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ...the whole nation has made since then. But as far as specifics I'm way out of touch! 8y

becausetrains @moranadatter ??? and @Riveted_Reader_Melissa, I'm not following when you say "Having two people here say the same, took that whole section from author's opinion to much more widespread." What do you mean? 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa For me reading this sections is was more of a feeling of....well of course, that's obvious, why are you (the author) going on and on about it. Now I get it, it's not just the author's thing, it's a huge thing. I hope that makes sense. 8y

BookishFeminist @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Your initial comment about the gatekeeping read to me like a common problem the ace community faces, however. Being skeptical until hearing confirmation from multiple sources about discrimination of ace people is super common. I understand the initial skepticism but it does happen a lot and want you to know that for the future. Esp in this case where it's a nonfic book, not a memoir on her personal experiences. 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa @becausetrains Both @BookishFeminist and @moranadatter commented about gatekeeping in regards to the LBGTQ community. For me that whole section of the book where the author laid out the case for asexual inclusion under that LGBTQ umbrella makes a lot more sense now. 8y

Hooked_on_books What a great conversation I'm seeing here! This is really cool. 😊 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BookishFeminist Sorry. Remember I am reading this as an intro. without previous knowledge. No it is not a memoir, nor did the author come right out and say that there is this ongoing debate within the LGBTQ community about asexuality's inclusion. Instead it is written like a series of questions & answers that come at that from both sides. I could infer one thing from that, but hearing it confirmed by people who know more about the subject helps. 8y

katycronk I was curious about this book when it was announced and wanted to join in the discussion. I've been doing a lot of reading about LGBTQ+ topics mainly because I'm trying to figure out who I am, acknowledge what I already know, and discover where I fit in. I've done a lot of reading on asexuality because no one talks about it so I only knew it as a definition and not an experience. I believe that there's so much work to be done toward inclusivity 8y

katycronk I think when there's a large spectrum included in a movement, the minorities can be forgotten and I can see that being the case with asexuality and bisexuality as others have said on the post. 8y

batsy I agree with @Notafraidofwords, the world is structured around heteronormativity and it's very alienating for people who are not having sex (whether or not they've chosen to abstain, as such) and I imagine it's worse for asexual people. I knew about asexuality before reading the book but this book helped to clarify many things, especially regarding orientation vs desire, and I found the repetition helpful, perhaps even necessary. 8y

batsy I'm not sure where I fall on the spectrum, to be honest, & I'm still figuring it out as I process what I've learned from this book. But as someone who's chosen to be single for now & to not participate in "hookup culture" or whatever it's called now, the book was a comfort. Because being in this world is alienating if you're not shouting about sex from the rooftops & it's almost as if you're less valid as an adult if you're not participating. 8y

Notafraidofwords @batsy yeah. . . It's extremely alienating and uncomfortable. I think it's gets better as you become okay with yourself and accept who you are, but it's still difficult. 8y

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mhillis

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

Finished this month's selection for @LitsyFeministBookClub and looking forward to our discussion. Parts One and Two were informative, but it was kind of repetitive after that. Lots of further resources in the last part though! Are there any fiction books with asexual characters?

Broke_Girl_Reads

Every Heart a Doorway

Kangaj1

Dreamland Burning

mhillis @Broke_Girl_Reads @Kangaj1 Thank you📚 8y

Broke_Girl_Reads @mhillis there's also this roundup: https://lgbtqreads.com/2017/02/13/under-the-gaydar-asexual-rep/ happy reading! 8y

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

TW: sexual assault

I cannot emphasize this enough. Sexual assault is about power. It doesn't matter whether the victim experiences sexual attraction or not. Being asexual isn't a deterrent to sexual abuse; it's often a catalyst for someone to feel like they now need to "conquer" the person who refused them contact. Anyone can be assaulted in this way.

tournevis Seconded 8y

saresmoore Personal experience over here and I say, "Yes and amen!" 8y

rachelm This book is so important. 8y

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Aleida Yup 8y

ReadingEnvy Always. 8y

VirginiaPug I was looking for a book like this, thanks! 8y

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

Are you on Tumblr?! If so check out fuckyeahasexual's tumblr account! Plenty of information is shared here regarding the asexual community. https://fuckyeahasexual.tumblr.com/

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shortsarahrose

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

I made it through my first week of at my new full time job, so here is how I'm rewarding myself ☕️🎉

Agentfalco Hope everything's still going well for you at your new job. I'm on a job search myself after having been made redundant after 27 years so I know it's scary out there. Just joined Litsy. Like your reading choice. 🙂 7y

shortsarahrose Good luck on the job hunt @Agentfalco I can certainly relate to how difficult it can be. New job still going well. I work at a library and one of the things I get to do is buy books! 7y

Agentfalco @shortsarahrose Wow sounds the perfect job and Litsy will certainly help you with keeping up with the next hit books and authors 😎 7y

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batsy

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

pick

"we should expect asexuality to be complicated, since mainstream sexuality only seems less complicated because we're all used to it and have been hearing and understanding the contexts of those relationships since we were children"--great point about normalisation of heteronormativity in many societies. Read this for @LitsyFeministBookClub & it's a solid, thorough primer. A necessary read because it questions accepted ideas about sex & sexuality.

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

Finally starting to dig out of the awful migraine I've had for 48 hours now. 😩 But after not being able to read much of anything in that time it's nice to get back to this! It's great so far and hits very close to home.

Our discussion starts 6/25 on the @LitsyFeministBookClub page if you want to join in! If you don't have time to read it we've been posting resources on asexuality and will continue throughout the week. 💜🖤

#thebookishferrets

DGRachel Migraines are awful! Glad your finally starting to get some relief. Hope your other little goobers are behaving better than Allen the Asshole and that you feel back to 💯 soon! 8y

Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks I'm glad you are feeling better! They are so cute!! 8y

PenguinInFlight Glad you're on the mend! ❤️Migraines are awful! 😕Your ferrets crack me up...they are so cute!! 8y

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Suelizbeth Boo to migraines. Cute little buddies! #FerretsOfDrama 8y

moranadatter Yuck! I'm glad you're feeling better. 8y

queerbookreader Ugh thank you so much for hosting a discussion on this book, my whole being on the ace spectrum thing has been really hard to figure out with the whole planet denying that ace & aro people exist/denying the queerness of ace and aro ppl 8y

BarbaraTheBibliophage Glad the nasty migraine is lifting! Love those ferrets! 📚❤️ 8y

BookishFeminist @lemonlime799 💜🖤 it's long overdue for a place in the spotlight tbh so it's really no problem to host this discussion. Hardly anyone knows about it. I'm ace so if you ever need to talk about it I'm always here. And the discussion will be an ace safe space since I'll be there to make sure questions & discussion points are respectful. (Which we always aim for anyway obviously, but I've been nervous about this since so few ppl know about it) 8y

BookishFeminist @lemonlime799 PS have you read this book? If you haven't and can't get ahold of it from the library or something let me know. 8y

balletbookworm ❤️ your catsnakes ❤️ 8y

ErickaS_Flyleafunfurled @balletbookworm BENDY catsnakes!! 😍 8y

SoniaC Glad you're feeling better. 8y

BookishFeminist @DGRachel @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks @PenguinInFlight @Suelizbeth @moranadatter @BarbaraTheBibliophage @SoniaC thanks for the well wishes!! I'm glad I can read again!! ❤️ 8y

BookishFeminist @balletbookworm @ErickaS_Flyleafunfurled Catsnakes indeed!! 🐱🐍 8y

mhillis Glad you're feeling better! Just finished reading. Thanks for recommending it!! 8y

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

If you would like to take place in or view some discussions regarding asexuality then The Asexual Agenda would be a great source for you! Questions are posed and discussed weekly with plenty of other content available as well. Visit them here: https://asexualagenda.wordpress.com

queerbookreader Thank you for posting this!!! 8y

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

If you've been reading along then you have seen references to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, also known as AVEN. If you would like to learn more about asexuality check this site out!
http://www.asexuality.org It has tons of information and is a great source!

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

It's #TBRtuesday! I hope everyone is enioying and learning from this month's pick, The Invisible Orientation by Julie Sondra Decker. Our discussion starts in a few days. The rest of the week we will be sharing extra resources regarding this book and asexuality, so keep an eye out for our post throughout the week! Remember to leave a comment if you would like us to tag you for the discussion questions.

Hooked_on_books I'd like to be tagged for the discussion! 8y

rachelm Me me me! 8y

moranadatter Yes, please! 8y

katycronk Tag me please 😃 8y

saresmoore I'd like to be tagged! 8y

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Hooked_on_books

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

pick

This is a great intro to asexuality which also provides resources for a deeper dive. It is geared for anyone to understand: allies of asexuality, those who think they are asexual, and friends/family of asexual people. It is a bit dry and redundant in places, but is terrific.

"For everyone, sexual orientation is more like a range, not a simple series of separate categories."

Soubhiville I've been wondering how this was! Thanks! 8y

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

Spending my afternoon starting this month's pick for @LitsyFeministBookClub. Tbh it's gutting me so far so I snagged an entire pretzel pile of goobers to snuggle with me while I read. 😁 #thebookishferrets

vivastory Talk about a business meeting 😂 8y

rubyslippersreads So cuddly! 😀 8y

balletbookworm Ferret muddle! ❤️ 8y

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Zelma Omg, they are hilarious! So glad to see Noodle adjusted to new brothers quickly. 💕 8y

JessClark78 ❤️❤️❤️ 8y

BookishFeminist @Zelma She has! They've been sleeping in a pile since their first day home 😂 8y

BookishFeminist @vivastory 😂😂 they're sleeping on the job 8y

Readinglaura Omg they are so cute! 8y

jfalkens Awwwww 😍😍 I miss having a ferret, they are so cute 8y

BkClubCare Whoa 8y

tricours Did you get two new ones? 8y

Buddys_Momma Too cute for words💜💜💜 8y

emilyhaldi Omg 😍😍😍😍😍 8y

Bookzombie So cute!!! 💕 8y

MaleficentBookDragon That is the cutest snuggle pile. It reminds of the otters in Finding Dory. 8y

WarpedSweetness Aww, that's so cute. :-) I've been wanting a ferret, but I'm afraid my two year old would be too rough. 8y

elkeOriginal I can't even figure out how many ferrets are in that furry pyramid! 8y

LauraBrook Oh my god, too too adorable! I'm glad they're all (clearly) getting along! 💖😽😽❤️ 8y

Graciouswarriorprincess So adorable!! 8y

aeeklund "Pretzel pile of goobers" needs to be an official unit of measurement. 8y

LeahBergen 😂😂 How many are in there?! 8y

drokka Love this so much. 8y

Utopiyll They are adorable!! 8y

BookishFeminist @tricours Yep! Edgar & Allan were strays we adopted from the shelter 2 weeks ago. 8y

BookishFeminist @MaleficentBookDragon they're basically land otters! 🖤 8y

BookishFeminist @elkeo @LeahBergen it's 3 of them 😂😂 Noodle's new adopted brothers are chunkers though so it does seem like more lol 8y

BookishFeminist @aeeklund 😂😂 it's the only unit of measurement around here 8y

BookishFeminist @WarpedSweetness Ferrets are the best 🖤 I love our kiddos. A two year old may be a little rough on them but maybe not! If you're seriously considering it I recommend researching them extensively so you know what you're getting yourself into. They're fantastic but can have medical issues & there's a lot of bad advice out there for how to take care of them. If you ever have questions let me know ☺️ 8y

BookishFeminist @jfalkens they really are the best. Such loving & playful critters (edited) 8y

WarpedSweetness @BookishFeminist Thanks! I owed a pair of ferrets way back when I was middle/high school, and I loved them to death. (Not literally. They died unrelated to my loving.) Seeing yours makes me miss them terribly and want more. 8y

thebookferret So lovely to see another bookish ferret enthusiast! 💛🐾 8y

BookishFeminist @thebookferret ❤️ ferrets are the absolute best. This is my pile of them 😂 8y

rachelm What a cute ferret pile 😘😝 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa So cute! 8y

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rockpools

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

pick

I think this was written as a reference book to dip into, rather than designed to be read cover-to-cover, as it can get a little repetitive. It includes Asexuality 101, dispelling myths, sections for people who might identify as ace, and those wanting to support them, as well as an extensive resource list. Lots of information, so well-worth reading. Have recommended purchase to my local library.

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TheNextBook

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

Starting this month's pick from @LitsyFeministBookClub I'm journaling this one and hoping to somewhat take my time.

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Notafraidofwords

Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Sondra Decker

pick

Society is complicated and the messages we often receive are mixed. On one hand, we live in a society that condemns women and sex. If we have too much, we are sluts. On the other hand, when we don't we are frigid. We are mocked and told to relax. We are told to be a lady and not speak about sex. Yet, sex is everywhere. Morning radio. Commercials. Movies. Books. And if you're asexual, it could feel alienating. Read this to understand.

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saresmoore

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

"People who are asexual typically struggle for years to find some indication of what's wrong with them or whether anyone else feels the way they do. And if they enter an asexual community and begin having nuanced discourse about intimacy and connection...[t]hey're encouraged to explore and explain their identity for better personal and interpersonal understanding."

Down Among the Sticks and Bones

Notafraidofwords This book is so important. 8y

saresmoore @Notafraidofwords Hell yes it is! Where was this book when I was in high school?! 8y

Notafraidofwords @saresmoore I know!!!! 8y

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Suet624 Looks like a fascinating read. 8y

saresmoore @Suet624 It's very informative and helpful. Especially for me, since I would refer to myself as being on the asexual spectrum, but it's also good for defining terms and generally raising awareness. 🙂 It's worth a library skim for sure! 8y

rachelm Good quote selection!!! 8y

saresmoore @rachelm Thanks! I think the only thing keeping people from reading this book is apathy or a sense of the issue's relative unimportance. I, personally, beg to differ and I think this quote highlights the significance of awareness & open dialogue. 8y

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Well-ReadNeck

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

#riotgrams #LGBTQPride

Here's a fiction/non-fiction pairing for pride month. I'm reading The Invisible Orientation for the @LitsyFeministBookClub this month and am thinking about re-reading Every Heart is a Doorway both as a companion book and in anticipation of the next book in the series being released (coming out? 😜) this month!!

Well-ReadNeck

Notafraidofwords I'm reading it now (the invisible orientation). Very good! A lot of information. 8y

mhillis I was just looking for fiction recs! Thank you 8y

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RuSirius3

Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Sondra Decker

Thank you!!! 😊

dariazeoli

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RuSirius3

Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Sondra Decker

Have you read any of the books from the website you mentioned? Thanks! 😊

dariazeoli

dariazeoli Sorry, I haven't. When I first realized I was ace and did some research, a lack of asexual representation in the arts was something I found. That list is longer than it used to be, but still has many "assumed asexual" characters. I didn't want to give a pat, "Sherlock is Ace!" answer, either! You've made me want to look into this more, so I'll let you know if I find more characters. 8y

Notafraidofwords @dariazeoli if you find something, I would love to know!! 8y

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RuSirius3

Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Sondra Decker

My daughter just came out as an asexual. Anyone know of any strong asexual characters in literature?

dariazeoli This link might be helpful: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Asexuality_in_fiction 8y

RuSirius3 Than you! 8y

RuSirius3 Oops! I mean thank you!😊 8y

annkuch13 This one is supposed to have really good asexual rep, though I haven't gotten to it yet. Also, Jughead in the Archie comics is canonically asexual.

We Awaken

LadySarah The protagonist of Seanan McGuire's Every Heart a Doorway is asexual! She's also a really smart, really strong character. And, as a bonus, that book is just generally a great fantasy novella.

Every Heart a Doorway

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

In case you missed the announcement, we're reading The Invisible Orientation for @LitsyFeministBookClub this month! It's Pride Month, and asexuality and aromaniticism are both incredibly stigmatized and erased even within the LGBTQIA+ community. (Asexual, aromantic, and agender is what the A stands for, NOT ALLY.) This book was a Lambda Literary Award finalist a few years back & is canon about asexuality. Come read it with us! 🏳️‍🌈💜🖤

saresmoore I'm really looking forward to this! 8y

Boghunden Oh! I didn't know of @LitsyFeministBookClub, hopefully I can join in :) 8y

annkuch13 Great pick! I'm asexual and it drives me nuts when people try to claim the A is for ally. 8y

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BookishFeminist @annkuch13 SAME. I've been blowing a casket lately because I've seen people do it too much. So frustrating to not always be welcome in the LGBT+ community, too. It's tiring. 8y

BookishFeminist @saresmoore @Boghunden can't wait to discuss with you both! 8y

moranadatter Erasure sucks. Being repeatedly called a liar is exhausting. What helped me was learning that other people's words could not change my identity or render it invalid and remembering that my experiences are not unique. There are other people who are and other identities that are marginalized within LGBTQIA+ spaces. I don't have to fight every battle because I'm not alone. Self care is allowed and necessary. 8y

batsy I have no idea what I've been doing on Litsy that I wasn't aware of this reading group 😳 Gonna try to join in for this one 8y

dariazeoli I am so happy to see other aces on Litsy! ❤️🍰 8y

BookishFeminist @batsy please join us! 😀 we have fun 8y

BookishFeminist @moranadatter Yep, self care is what gets me by. And just honestly not caring what others think about me because it's not like I can change. There are always others fighting this battle too so that definitely helps like you say. 8y

BookishFeminist @dariazeoli ???? I was wondering since I saw you'd read this on Goodreads. But yep! ? I'm not really "out" and I'm sure I'm not alone in that so we're just in hiding. 8y

mhillis Thanks for recommending the book and posting the resources! I'm learning a lot and looking forward to our discussion 8y

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TheNextBook

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

#tbrtuesday is this month's @LitsyFeministBookClub pick. Just got it in the mail!

saresmoore Gah! I missed the post announcing this one. I would love to read this! 8y

Notafraidofwords I'm currently reading this. 8y

TheNextBook @saresmoore Grab it. We wont have a discussion until later on this month! 8y

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TheNextBook @Notafraidofwords planning on starting sometime next week. 8y

saresmoore I just put it on hold at the library. 👍Thanks for sharing! 8y

Riveted_Reader_Melissa I have to try and pick this one up this month too! 8y

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TheNextBook

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

Did you catch our announcement?! For LGBTQIA+ Pride month @LitsyFeministBookClub will be reading The Invisble Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker! The discussion will take place June 25-30th!

BookishFeminist, rachelm

dariazeoli Awesome to hear! 👍🏻👏🏻 8y

Notafraidofwords I just started it today. Completing my first chapter. So informative! 8y

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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality | Julie Decker

We at Litsy Feminist Book Club are happy to announce our pick for June's Readalong. Our theme is in honor of LGBTQIA+ Pride month and our book is The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker. The discussion will take place from June 25-30th!