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Without Children
Without Children: The Long History of Not Being a Mother | Peggy O'Donnell Heffington
6 posts | 5 read | 17 to read
A historian of gender explores the complicated relationship between womanhood and motherhood In an era of falling births, its often said that millennials invented the idea of not having kids. But history is full of women without children: some who chose childless lives, others who wanted children but never had them, and still othersthe vast majority, then and nowwho fell somewhere in between. Modern women considering how and if children fit into their lives are products of their political, ecological, and cultural moment. But history also tells them that they are not alone. Drawing on deep research and her own experience as a woman without children, historian Peggy ODonnell shows that many of the reasons women are not having children today are ones they share with women in the past: a lack of support, their jobs or finances, environmental concerns, infertility, and the desire to live different kinds of lives. Understanding this historyhow normal it has always been to not have children, and how hard society has worked to make it seem abnormalis key, she writes, to rebuilding kinship between mothers and non-mothers, and to building a better world for us all.
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Hooked_on_books
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Pickpick

While this book is interesting for what it is, the title and subtitle are deeply misleading. It‘s really about how families are structured across history and cultures and the pressure on all women, mothers or not, regarding choices around children. In fact, the childfree women in focuses more on are unfortunate stereotypes. So, maybe I shouldn‘t give this a pick?

lazydaizee Your dog is lovely. 8mo
Rissreads Awwwwww. I love your dog! 💛 8mo
squirrelbrain Bindi looks a bit fed up with the book too! 8mo
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dabbe 🖤🐾🖤 8mo
Hooked_on_books @squirrelbrain Doesn‘t she? That worked out well! 😂 8mo
dabbe She just has the SWEETEST face! 🤩🐾🤩 8mo
BkClubCare So… the book is rather unsupportive of childless women, is that what you‘re saying? (edited) 8mo
Hooked_on_books @BkClubCare It did ultimately come across that way, yes. I think what the author was trying to do was demonstrate the many reasons why women don‘t have children other than simply not wanting to, but she bent over so far that it felt like she was making a negative statement about women who don‘t want kids. 8mo
BkClubCare @Hooked_on_books - well, that‘s too bad. The blurb sounded promising. I will skip this one. Tho, I have lived the experience and don‘t really think a book would bring any new light to it. 🥰 8mo
52 likes10 comments
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CaliforniaCay
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Pickpick

This book didn't focus on stories about women who were happy to be childfree by choice (like me) but it did contain a lot of stories about women all along the spectrum of not having children. Some by choice, some by chance, some happy about their situation, some unhappy. I was shocked by some of the anecdotes in here, even entertained by some of them. Overall, it was a very informative read with a good mix of situations represented 🎧🧩

catiewithac I LOVE that puzzle 😍 9mo
Librarybelle I liked this one too. 9mo
IMASLOWREADER ohhhh adding to my list… 9mo
CaliforniaCay @catiewithac cool right? I finally get why you love audiopuzzling so much! I have a nice little collection I'm building, already planning on exchanging for some new ones. I'm obsessed 😍 9mo
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steph_phanie
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Mehso-so

⭐️⭐️⭐️ I was expecting an exploration, primarily, of women without children, but they are just a small portion of this. "Without Children" is a somewhat sweeping account of historical American & European expectations of women, of the definition of family, of fertility trends & evolutions in fertility science, the unfortunate divide between women with children and women without, and the difficulties that come with parenting in today's world.

steph_phanie Continued: It was interesting, for sure, especially from a sociology and anthropology perspective. But the content did not meet my expectations. 14mo
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steph_phanie
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The first 45 pages had me angry at the world that women have had to exist in since the beginning of time, and the next 45 pages have had me angry at the world people are expected to raise children in, primarily in western society. It is all impossible. And men in power have been absolute fools.

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Librarybelle
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Pickpick

Heffington writes an easily accessible look at tbt history of women who, for a variety of reasons, do not have children. She looks at society‘s view of women who follow this path and really dives into the reasons - whether it‘s reproductive rights or political or even climate related.

As a woman who does not have children, I found myself nodding along to the perceptions from society. This was so good, and it made me feel like I am not alone…

Kelly_the_Bookish_Sidekick You're not alone! I am also child-free by choice. A large part is that I know I have very little patience, even for my nieces. 1y
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Cinfhen This does sound fascinating and interesting! My daughter & SIL have stated many times they don‘t think they want children and while that makes me sad, I can respect their decision. 1y
jenniferw88 Definitely NOT alone! Mine is due to health reasons - it's extremely unlikely I'll be able to have them as I don't produce enough of any hormone (I'm on a pill to control my stress hormone level, for example). 1y
JuniperWilde As stated above - you are not alone. It‘s good to have books to jumpstart the conversation. ♥️ 1y
Librarybelle I definitely make sure my fur babies get all of my love and treat them like my kids! 😂 @Kelly_the_Bookish_Sidekick @Cinfhen @jenniferw88 @JuniperWilde Things would be different if I had a significant other, but I don‘t, so c‘est la vie. Thanks for listening! 1y
Meshell1313 Yes! Child free by choice! I‘ve read many similar books but added this one! Sounds great. If you‘re interested check out (edited) 1y
Librarybelle @Meshell1313 Thanks for the recommendation! 1y
103 likes8 stack adds9 comments
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underground_bks
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Pickpick

This history of “not being a mother” provides not only powerful historical context behind the decision not to have children—whether that‘s because of career goals, lack of financial or familial support, environmental concern, infertility…or just because you want a life without them—as well as a crucial reminder that non-mothers are not a modern invention (and we‘re not alone), with added encouragement to make kin, even if you‘re not making babies.

ChaoticMissAdventures It is so nice to see these books coming out more and more! When I was in my 20s no one around me understood you could have a fulfilling life without kids and it aways felt like a neverending conversation with people. 2y
Hooked_on_books That‘s sounds really interesting! I‘m so glad I chose not to have kids, since I never wanted to be a parent. I‘m hoping that choice starts to become more acceptable for women (I think it‘s already accepted for men). 2y
underground_bks @ChaoticMissAdventures and @hooked_on_books I am so grateful for the cultural gains we‘ve made and hopeful there will be many more. While my in-laws support and accept us now, they initially did think of it as a “selfish” decision and I‘ve had a gyno tell me I‘d change my mind! (edited) 2y
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ChaoticMissAdventures @underground_bks my ex MIL told my ex husband before he married me that I would change my mind...I never did and now he is married with 3 kids living by his mom and his mom chooses to go with me on vacation to get away from it all! 2y
underground_bks @ChaoticMissAdventures such a surprising and apt illustration that you don‘t have to have children or a biological connection to be family! I love that! 2y
Hooked_on_books @ChaoticMissAdventures @underground_bks I‘ve had SO many people tell me I‘d change my mind! It‘s infuriating! To decide you know someone better than they know themselves?!? And I‘ve had acquaintances say it! Now that I‘m 46 and my husband has had a vasectomy, I want to go back and find all those people and ask, “still think I‘m going to change my mind?!” (The answer is, of course, emphatically no!) 2y
IuliaC Great review and lovely photo! 2y
IuliaC We need more books on this topic! 2y
jlhammar I‘m really looking forward to this one. Great review! 2y
DimeryRene Woah! Added to my stack! 2y
underground_bks @IuliaC thank you so much and I couldn‘t agree more! This was so eye-opening and actually fun to read too, but only 200 pages, so there‘s still so much more to explore of this history! 2y
underground_bks @jlhammar thank you! Looking forward to hearing what you think! 2y
underground_bks @DimeryRene sweet! Can‘t wait to hear what you think! 2y
underground_bks @Hooked_on_books I‘m 32 but thankfully my husband getting a vasectomy helped a lot with other peoples‘ disbelief a lot too—it shouldn‘t be required but it is a relief with doctors now 🙄 2y
elkeOriginal Looks like you have The Best kind of children already in this photo 😺 2y
underground_bks @DimeryRene looking forward to seeing your review! 2y
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