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The Assimilated Cuban's Guide to Quantum Santeria
The Assimilated Cuban's Guide to Quantum Santeria | Carlos Hernandez
24 posts | 15 read | 70 to read
A quirky collection of short sci-fi stories for fans of Kij Johnson and Kelly Link Assimilation is founded on surrender and being broken; this collection of short stories features people who have assimilated, but are actively trying to reclaim their lives. There is a concert pianist who defies death by uploading his soul into his piano. There is the person who draws his mother's ghost out of the bullet hole in the wall near where she was executed. Another character has a horn growing out of the center of his forehead--punishment for an affair. But he is too weak to end it, too much in love to be moral. Another story recounts a panda breeder looking for tips. And then there's a border patrol agent trying to figure out how to process undocumented visitors from another galaxy. Poignant by way of funny, and philosophical by way of grotesque, Hernandez's stories are prayers for self-sovereignty.
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Bertha_Mason

"My name is Desideria Belén Ayute, and I am the sixty-one-year-old executive producer for ¿A Quién Quieres Matar?, the reality-TV show where we find fulanos who want to hire a hit man and get them to admit on hidden camera all the filthy details. Oh, it‘s a good show."
-"Los Simpáticos"

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Bertha_Mason

"So my dad left and I helped my asiMom clear dinner. After we finished, she said “You are a good son.” And then she added, "If you would like me to increase the amount of praise I give you, please say ‘Increase praise‘ at any time.""
-"The Macrobe Conservation Project"
Kind of living the dream. ??

blurb
monalyisha
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A friend asked Facebook:

“What‘s a great read for the summer? Not necessarily something light, but something evocative of the heat & spirit of the summer, perhaps with a magical or surreal element to it.”

What would you recommend? I restricted myself to a Top 5 list (+1 😅):

A Tale for the Time Being
The Assimilated Cuban‘s Guide to Quantum Santeria
The Ocean at the End of the Lane
Sing, Unburied, Sing
Reincarnation Blues
(+ Tuck Everlasting)

Samplergal William Faulkner. Sleepy hot Mississippi. 5y
kyraleseberg I always recommend Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury. It's a re-read for me every summer! (edited) 5y
monalyisha @kyraleseberg I love RB & have never read that one! It‘s on my list for August. 🖤 5y
kyraleseberg @monalyisha I'm excited to see what you think! It's a perfect summer read and you can never go wrong with Bradbury! 5y
38 likes4 comments
blurb
monalyisha
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1. Green/blue/gray
2. Angel (I‘m a rabid BtVS fan & I‘ve never seen all of the spin-off! 😱) & Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
3. The tagged book dropped a lot of colloquial Spanish phrases; I needed to translate. I also read a short bio on Rachel Carson & looked up things like “reindeer moss” & “ghost crabs.”
4. Ketchup
5. Working. What I *want* to do is watch “Dirty Dancing” & down a pitcher of some delightful, boozy watermelon concoction. 🍉

38 likes1 comment
review
monalyisha
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Pickpick

Funny, creative, thought-provoking, culturally-diverse, & the absolute best kind of weird! “The Assimilated Cuban‘s Guide to Quantum Santeria” is one of the most enjoyable books I‘ve read all year. If not for the poor print quality (bright white pages, awkward spacing, & several typos), I‘d have almost nothing to complain about. Oh, except for the time Hernandez writes, “I make a wtf face.” I bet you can guess my reaction to that sentence. 🙄👇🏻

monalyisha 1/1: My favorite stories are “Homeostasis”, “Fantaisie Impromptu No. 4 in C # min, Op. 66”, “More Than Pigs and Rosaries Can Give”, - and, honestly, “The International Studbook of the Giant Panda.” 😂🐼 Also, if anyone wants to talk about “Bone of My Bone,” hit me up! (edited) 7y
PenguinInFlight I feel compelled to add this to TBR solely based on “The International Studbook of the Giant Panda”. I laughed right out loud. 😂😂 7y
monalyisha @PenguinInFlight Oh, more laughs - & plenty of awkward moments - are in store for you! But also, genuine contemplation about subjects such as the existence & nature of the soul. 🤯😍😂 (edited) 7y
76 likes4 stack adds3 comments
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monalyisha
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“There is nothing so beautiful in the world as the oversized moon of a silent movie.”

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monalyisha
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“We have the Large Hadron Collider to thank for unicorns.”

#obviously

Ddzmini The last unicorn 🦄 🎶 7y
SuperPunkNinja Love this book! 7y
monalyisha @McShelfington I‘ve read all but the last story & am a little obsessed. 7y
59 likes3 comments
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monalyisha
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“She didn‘t even need to shower because she was just a robot, but she did anyway. My dad said that made her more realistic. But if they cared about that, why didn‘t they give her nipples? Or any hair except on her head? She didn‘t even have a butt crack. Sometimes, just when I was forgetting that she wasn‘t my real mom, I‘d remember that she didn‘t have a butt crack and I‘d get a little freaked out.”

These stories are KILLING me! 😂🤖🍑

vivastory Whoa... this has been on my TBR. Might have to bump it up 😂 7y
BookaholicNatty 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 7y
monalyisha @vivastory I‘m loving it so far! I‘m a little surprised, actually... because I got really snobby about the quality of the print book. I don‘t know its publication story, but it‘s printed on the worst kind of bright white paper, the font is kind-of awful (not comic sans or anything; it just looks like a computer printout), & I found a couple of typos right off the bat. But yeah, the actual stories are hitting all the right marks for me! 7y
vivastory Thanks for the heads up. Those flaws can definitely ruin a book for me. I just bought the ebook. Only $4 on Kindle! 7y
monalyisha @vivastory That‘s definitely the way to go! I borrowed mine from the library, but I belong to two different networks (in two different states) & there was only *one* copy available between them. It‘s not an easy book to find! I hope you like it! 7y
51 likes5 comments
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monalyisha
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“I have no idea how to have panda sex. What if I‘m terrible?”

Things you don‘t expect to read on a quiet Thursday morning. 😅

Paula3 😂 7y
TheBookgeekFrau 😂😂 Think I need to read this! 7y
58 likes1 stack add2 comments
blurb
monalyisha
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Husband‘s grillin‘. I‘m chillin‘. 📖🍺🌭

Tadams4 Yummy and pretty! Enjoy! 7y
Kimberlone Intriguing title! 7y
Yossarian I loved the one about the Texas militia and Margaret Thatcher! 7y
monalyisha @Yossarian So far, I just really want a home jellyfish tank! 😆 7y
63 likes2 stack adds4 comments
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monalyisha
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My IRL short stories book club settled on our next book & I could not be more excited! Purported to be great for fans of Kij Johnson & Kelly Link, and I am avidly both. Plus: look at that cover! 😍🔮📖

SuperPunkNinja Love this book! 7y
63 likes4 stack adds1 comment
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SuperPunkNinja
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I'm in Denver for my husband's family reunion. I picked this book to read because one of them is an evangelical Christian who disapproves of my existence and I thought it would make his butt pucker up nicely. 😈

saresmoore Hahaha! This oughta do the trick! Also, it sounds like a great read. 7y
SuperPunkNinja @saresmoore So far I'm loving it! 7y
Tnovo 👍👍 7y
See All 11 Comments
Mimi28 I love funny quirky short stories!! 7y
Hooked_on_books 😂😂 7y
vivastory I keep meaning to read this one 7y
SuperPunkNinja @vivastory it's soooooo good! 7y
Yellowpigeon The number of books that I have that would fit that category😂😂 (edited) 7y
SuperPunkNinja @Yellowpigeon Sounds like a great library! 7y
55 likes4 stack adds11 comments
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LitSidekick
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"Spanish guys come from Spain. I'm Puerto Rican." From the third story, "Entanglements."

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Lchnessmnstr
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With story titles like this one, how can you not be intrigued?

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Yossarian
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This was a quirky #latinx sci-fi fantasy collection from a South of the Border perspective. In my favorite story, a right wing militiaman trying to keep America safe from (Mexican) aliens instead meets an (extraterrestrial) alien who transmutes his vehicle into Margaret Thatcher.

That probably sounds either awesome or really dumb. Let that be a guide to whether this collection is for you.

bookwrm526 🤣🤣🤣🤣 8y
89 likes10 stack adds1 comment
blurb
Lchnessmnstr
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The Aphotic Ghost - First story in this collection felt like a teaser for a novel, I want more of these characters!

review
Liberty
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Pickpick

I read this over the weekend for the #readathon, and I thought it was great fun! It's a speculative fiction short story collection, a bit like if Junot Diaz wrote episodes of Black Mirror. Really wacky, funny stuff. 📚❤🤘🏻

BookishFeminist Sweet! I just bought this last week. Junot Diaz + Black Mirror sounds prefect. 8y
vivastory This sounds fantastic 8y
RealBooks4ever I want it for the title alone! 💜🖤❤️ 8y
readinginthedark This sounds amazing! 8y
175 likes28 stack adds4 comments
review
Handmade_Redhead
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Pickpick

Hot Zen tea in a Yoda mug, pirate pajama pants, fall afternoon, sci-fi short stories. Only thing that could make this better would be if my poor pupdog wasn't in pain from surgery yesterday. (she wouldn't even pose for a picture).

One of the stories was really weird and I'll never look at pandas the same way again. It wasn't bad weird though. i loved the mix of sci-fi and spiritual.

15 likes2 stack adds
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GemintheRough
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Finally getting around to this book I received for backing Rosarium Publishing on Indiegogo. Got to support diverse storytelling!

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Handmade_Redhead
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Time for some short stories. One of the few books i have picked up without hearing anything about it first. i didn't even know it was short stories.

BookishFeminist I just grabbed this from the library myself. Really looking forward to it! 8y
14 likes1 stack add1 comment
review
Britafish
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Pickpick

There is a story in this collection where a journalist must put on a panda suit and simulate panda sex with her ex-lover in virtual reality in order to save the pandas. Enough said.

20 likes1 stack add
review
stuartjrodriguez
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Pickpick

I'm torn on this one. Hernandez is an excellent writer, and I loved a couple of stories but found myself missing the human element in others. I did really appreciate the Latinx representation, though, and overall this is a well-written collection that I haven't been able to stop thinking about.

review
Yossarian
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Mehso-so

For people who like their sci-fi mixed liberally with fantasy and religion. I think everyone will look at the title and cover and instantly know if this is an "Absolutely" or a "Hell No." It's a short story collection, so is going to be spotty.

Yossarian In my favorite story. An (extraterrestrial) alien meets a "Patriot" border guard on the lookout for illegal (Mexican) aliens and turns his Chevy Silverado into Margaret Thatcher. That's the kind of book it is. 9y
13 likes2 stack adds1 comment