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The Selfishness of Others
The Selfishness of Others: An Essay on the Fear of Narcissism | Kristin Dombek
19 posts | 9 read | 37 to read
They're among us, but they are not like us. They manipulate, lie, cheat, and steal. They are irresistibly charming and accomplished, appearing to live in a radiance beyond what we are capable of. But narcissists are empty. No one knows exactly what everyone else is full of--some kind of a soul, or personhood--but whatever it is, experts agree that narcissists do not have it. So goes the popular understanding of narcissism, or NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). And it's more prevalent than ever, according to recent articles in The New York Times, The Atlantic, and Time. In bestsellers like The Narcissism Epidemic, Narcissists Exposed, and The Narcissist Next Door, pop psychologists have armed the normal with tools to identify and combat the vampiric influence of this rising population, while on websites like narcissismsurvivor.com, thousands of people congregate to swap horror stories about relationships with "narcs." In The Selfishness of Others, the essayist Kristin Dombek provides a clear-sighted account of how a rare clinical diagnosis became a fluid cultural phenomenon, a repository for our deepest fears about love, friendship, and family. She cuts through hysteria in search of the razor-thin line between pathology and common selfishness, writing with robust skepticism toward the prophets of NPD and genuine empathy for those who see themselves as its victims. And finally, she shares her own story in a candid effort to find a path away from the cycle of fear and blame and toward a more forgiving and rewarding life.
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Manboi
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“We‘ve done things more like the murderer than we can bear”

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SusanInTiburon
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Just the title.

SusanInTiburon The book is intelligent, conversational, thought-provoking — and not a commentary on the current political situation. 7y
59 likes2 stack adds1 comment
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8little_paws
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Hello! I'm on vacation in the Bay Area. I just bought this book from Green Apple Books--what a great store!!! Back to Chicago on Friday and then a fun weekend of poolside grilling and visiting the museum of contemporary art with the 'non-reader' who's working on reading a little bit more since he knows it's my passion!

Mimi28 Have fun!! 7y
Zelma That all sounds great! 👍 7y
Smangela ❤️ love the Bay Area and love that the non-reader is trying to take interest in what you love! 7y
59 likes1 stack add3 comments
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Bookwormjillk
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He cannot feel other people's feelings, but he is uncannily good at figuring out how to demolish yours.

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Misanthropester
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Mehso-so

There's a great balance to this brief collection of essays making problematic our own egoism & projection. However, there are a bit too many easy out or lazy reasoning for my tastes

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Misanthropester
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In digging in on 'Millennials' (which always feels lazy), Dombek only skims the surface on the Boomer parents who created ultra-selfish mini-me's. It's a major flaw

BookishFeminist This is a big pet peeve of mine. Deflecting blame onto millennials for stuff that are a direct or indirect result of stuff prior generations caused or contributed to. 8y
Misanthropester @BookishFeminist agreed, it really gets in my craw. Xers (like myself) got this shit from Boomers, Millennials get it now & I have no time for Xers doing to Ms either 8y
6 likes2 comments
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Misanthropester
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Is Trumpism merely malicious narcissism?

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Misanthropester
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The retro design of this pleases me

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Fancypants
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Panpan

Meh. I THINK the point was to say that we shouldn't fear narcissism by its definition because more people fit that definition but that was not even closely stated that's my interpretation. I just felt like it didn't really have a clear point and was more about how bad the current generation is and how narcissists can be similar to murderers. Idk maybe I'm angsty against it.

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Fancypants
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Ok. She got there eventually. Took a few pages but now my rant seems less necessary.

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Fancypants
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So a little bit of a rant time. But so far so much of this books is about millennials and how they are a selfish generation and I'm so frustrated and tired of hearing that. Are there selfish millennial of course but has the author ever maybe considered that some millennials expect jobs and degrees because parents told them the HAD to get degrees to get jobs?! There's so much more to stories than this.

BeckyLeJ I could not agree with you more! I have the same frustration with regards to this issue. 8y
5 likes1 comment
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Fancypants
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So all my library books (15) are due in two/three days. I hope I can make it. 1/15.

LauraBeth You can do it! 😂 8y
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Readaholics
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Reading this little gem in bed, listening to Mozart and chillaxing with my pups Wilson. I gotta say, Kristin confirms a lot of my fears, but also highlights a lot of holes in the current theories. Narcissists are real and dangerous, but we all can have narcissist tendencies.

Julsmarshall Wilson is adorable! ❤️🐶 8y
MyBookLife So cute 😍 8y
Faibka I guess there's a difference between having narcissist traits, which is normal, and a full blown personality disorder with a total lack of empathy. I've meet people who meet the criteria and it's quite chilling to see how they simply don't care as long as they get what they want 8y
tricours I've been wanting to read a book like this to see if my suspicions about certain people are true! 8y
121 likes6 stack adds4 comments
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JewishBookCouncil
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Melflashman
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"There is time, still, to move backward into the future of others, gazing at the disasters we are leaving behind and trying to mend. My selfishness will be invisible until spring, when the world warms, the snow melts, and someone else turns the corner to find this littered street." #kristindombek

MrBook Welcome to @Litsy ! We hope you enjoy your stay, I think you'll like it here 😎👍🏻. 8y
4 likes1 comment
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catieohjoy
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I'm #currentlyreading these two books (and I've started a couple on my Kindle)! #augustofpages #augustphotochallenge

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vincentscarpa
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"...not just fake, but evil"

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mjseidlinger
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Pickpick

It's possible that I'm selfish.

Deserthorror Great cover 9y
catatonic1242 Need this! 9y
35 likes17 stack adds2 comments