helplessness

so-so

3✨ Traumatic event happen and instead of talking about it Klee (Clay) witnesses something that causes him to spiral out of control. His breaking point leads him to be heavily medicated. The beginning of this story is slow and he slowly tries to come to terms with his reality. His healing process is painful, but slowly he starts to get better. Trigger warnings for suicide and there is teen relationships that I‘m not a fan of.

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BarbaraJean

In Sight of Stars | Gae Polisner

pick

I was really impressed with this exploration of grief & mental illness. The author gradually reveals the MC‘s backstory as he works toward growth & healing—it begins with some disjointed/hallucinatory sections that were initially disorienting, but in retrospect, worked really well to illustrate the MC‘s journey. The book packs a lot into a 2-week timeframe & feels a little oversimplified, but the ending is open enough to suggest further growth.

megnews

BarbaraJean Belated July #YAbuddyread review! 3y

megnews Yes, in the beginning I thought it was bad writing. But later it made sense. And actually a great way to get you inside the head of someone going through mental illness. (edited) 3y

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megnews

In Sight of Stars | Gae Polisner

#YABuddyRead

Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, JaclynW, ravenlee, Butterfinger, AbigailJaneBlog

ravenlee I liked where the story ended, though I would have loved to see the follow-up: does Klee meet with Armond? How does his therapy continue? Does his mom loosen up? But I like the sense of possibilities. 3y

megnews @ravenlee and how does art school go? I would have liked to see him talk with Armond as well. I think it could be a healing thing to talk with someone else who loved his dad. 3y

megnews I wondered if it was because I was listening on audio, but I felt like I was kept an arm distance away. Sometimes things seemed somewhat disjointed or hazy. But at the same time I think that‘s how mental illness can feel at times and so it was appropriate to the story setting. Did anyone else feel this way? 3y

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BarbaraJean I was really impressed by the book overall. @megnews It definitely felt hazy/disjointed at the beginning, and I thought that was intentional. As things progressed, I actually thought those early sections were really well done in capturing Klee's experience & how mental illness might feel. I liked the ending a lot. It brought Klee to a good place & hinted at enough of the future that I felt it was a good resolution, hopeful but also realistic. 3y

ravenlee @megnews I think the arm‘s length distance was intentional at the beginning, because Klee (well, his whole family) keeps everyone out and tries to push through alone, but as he learns about himself and his parents we also see him opening up to others, and to us. 3y

Chrissyreadit @megnews @ravenlee @BarbaraJean I really think this could have been a longer more in depth story. I felt that it oversimplified or brushed over some aspects of mental health and healing. One simple example was how group can work to really help you not feel crazy or alone. It was like he developed relationships quickly but the process can be incredible and would also help reduce the stigma and shame teens feel by reading more about it. I also 3y

Chrissyreadit Think it would have been good for him to talk with Armond- although I felt like Armond took advantage of the dad in some ways. 3y

ravenlee @Chrissyreadit @BarbaraJean @megnews I think the limiting factor of the 2-week period was a deliberate choice by the author. It gave her a definite window into Klee‘s life and a way to end the story. We know there‘s so much more to come for him, in terms of therapy and working on relationships and school…but this was a way to have a cut-off. It‘s artificial, but there might not have been such a clean cut any other time. 3y

Butterfinger I really liked his therapist and I am glad she waited till he was feeling somewhat better before sharing her scars. I think the main point I got was there is help if you look for it. @Chrissyreadit @ravenlee @BarbaraJean 3y

Chrissyreadit @Butterfinger I agree I like the therapist also. 3y

Chrissyreadit @ravenlee I know the timeline may have been shortened for the purpose of the book, I just think the story felt a little off to me- and I can‘t quite figure out why. It just feels like there was not an opportunity to really feel invested in Klee and his story before it was over. I‘m not even sure if that makes sense or is just in my head over analyzing things. 3y

BarbaraJean @Chrissyreadit Yeah, I wished there had been more interaction with the other kids, both in group and more engagement/depth at meals. I‘m with @ravenlee - I agree that the 2-week time period was a good way to focus in, and to give a clear-cut beginning and end. But the drawback was definitely some oversimplification, especially in not being able to see the role the other kids could have played in his healing. 3y

Chrissyreadit @BarbaraJean I think you nailed it- oversimplification, like an outline and leaving out the details. But the depth is in the details. 3y

megnews @Chrissyreadit @BarbaraJean @ravenlee @Butterfinger I think the two week time period is realistic. With insurance the way it is I‘d say it‘s a lot. And it goes to show that this is the system people get caught up in when trying to heal. I read a lot of YA on this topic because I have depression and was hospitalized a few times as a teen. The real work starts after you leave the hospital and mental illness doesn‘t wrap up neatly like we‘re prone ⬇️ 3y

megnews ⬆️ to want. My oldest daughter‘s father completed suicide the summer before her senior year and she was in counseling immediately. It‘s still an ongoing process for her. 3y

Chrissyreadit @megnews I‘m sorry about your daughter. I agree it‘s a significant ongoing process. I‘m a little bitter about the limits of inpatient care at times because of seeing people discharged too soon without support either in place or available. I agree and know your experience speaks that the follow up is vital to recovery, but have recognized that intensive therapy and training with family members is crucial to recovery. I think this book felt like it 3y

Chrissyreadit Glazed over that. Was some of this raw for you? How is your daughter? 3y

megnews @Chrissyreadit my daughter is doing better now. Her dad had struggled with bipolar since we were young. She was away visiting a friend of mine in Germany when this happened which was devastating too. She had wanted to go out of state for college but decided not to to stay close to support. She still ended up coming home after her first semester but is now 24 & working on finishing school now. I was mad at him but knew he‘d been in pain so long… 3y

megnews @Chrissyreadit for myself, I wish more books like this had been out when I was young. I felt so weird like I was the only one and it would have helped to know I wasn‘t alone. The disoriented feeling at the beginning of the book is familiar. It feels validating in a way I guess when I read stories like this. 3y

ravenlee I saw a billboard yesterday that dovetailed nicely with our book. It was a text-bubble conversation, something like “hey, how are you?” “Fine” “no wait, I‘m not fine and need to talk about it” - it‘s ok not to be ok and let‘s normalize talking about mental health. I really hope this movement keeps progressing. 3y

megnews @ravenlee I never used to talk about my depression but I decided to start talking about it in case it would help someone else who needed to talk too. We never know what someone else is quietly going through 3y

Chrissyreadit @megnews thank you for sharing your story and perspective. I 100% agree we need to normalize not being ok- but also with the purpose of recognizing our cultures way of crushing people already in need of support. @ravenlee 🙌 3y

Chrissyreadit @megnews I‘m glad your daughter is on her path, and this journey may last a lifetime. I feel like the long term impact was devastating on my daughter in some ways. We both still struggle with emotions 5 years later. (Steve was very much a father figure to my daughter from the age of 7, and his wife one of my best friends). 3y

Chrissyreadit @megnews @ravenlee @Butterfinger @BarbaraJean I agree kids need to read more books with different perspectives of mental health. I see kids all the time and recognize we inundate them with impossible expectations and no safe outlet to explore realistic expectations- including acceptance of emotions and trusting they can be safe to feel. 3y

Butterfinger @megnews I appreciate you sharing. Literature like this is needed. People should know they are not alone in feeling depressed. Thank you for leading these discussions. I know I have shared a lot about myself in these discussions. It is liberating. 3y

megnews @Chrissyreadit @Butterfinger thank you both. Sometimes I hesitate to share in this format because I don‘t want to make the book conversation about me. But sometimes I feel a little bit is ok. I appreciate you both sharing as well. 3y

Chrissyreadit @megnews our insight and impressions are formed by our life experience so it is all relevant 😘 3y

Butterfinger @megnews I had to let myself go when we discussed Free Lunch. 3y

24 likes28 comments

megnews

In Sight of Stars | Gae Polisner

#YABuddyRead

Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, JaclynW, ravenlee, Butterfinger, AbigailJaneBlog

ravenlee I felt frustrated a lot of the time, mostly because I could see where things with Sarah were headed and wanted to shake them both! I ended up liking Klee more at the end as he became more self-aware. And when he painted the mural (there‘s a recurring theme!) I was so happy that he didn‘t paint over it, but added to it. 3y

megnews I listened on audio because I couldn‘t get the book. I was turned off at the beginning with all the F bombs. I don‘t mind a few but there were a lot. I was wondering if I‘d offend anyone with this choice. Then I realized this was a stage of grief Klee had to go through- anger. I felt frustrated with Klee‘s mom and even his dad because if he had just been honest perhaps he wouldn‘t have felt the need to escape his pain. I was frustrated with ⬇️ 3y

megnews Sarah too but I didn‘t realize what was going to happen @ravenlee. I should have! 3y

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BarbaraJean I was really curious and disoriented at the beginning, trying to piece together what had happened. Also 💔 over Klee's pain. @ravenlee I was so frustrated with Sarah! I felt for Klee--the way he latched onto her b/c he needed someone, but like you, could see it wasn't going to go well. @megnews I was frustrated with his mom as well, for much of the book I was in Klee's perspective & blaming her for not reaching out to her son in the way he needed. 3y

ravenlee @megnews @BarbaraJean Klee was just putting so much of his well-being into Sarah‘s hands, depending so much on her being his everything. Even if she was as into him as he was into her, one person can‘t be everything to anybody. It was too much pressure, and one way or another she was going to snap. 3y

megnews @ravenlee very true. He needed much more support. 3y

Chrissyreadit @ravenlee @BarbaraJean @megnews I struggled because it felt like a long time before I connected with the book. I think because I work in this field I kept thinking of so many things- when my daughters mentor completed suicide (on the local high school stage) I had her in counseling within a week. I also know the school made sure to support many students not just with grief counseling but with ongoing as needed. How could his mother not have 3y

Chrissyreadit Set up individual and family counseling? And even with moving away keeping so many secrets? Then his relationship was so very self destructive. How could his mom not have worked to get him with his friends? 3y

Butterfinger Exactly @Chrissyreadit I said this earlier. That is where the mom failed - not putting him in therapy. I hate that your daughter and the school went through something that traumatizing. @ravenlee I agree with the relationship between Klee and Sarah. I wished she had left him alone. @BarbaraJean Even though Klee didn't intend to kill himself, it still reminds me of an earlier book we read. The protagonist was a girl and she was also into arts - poetry I think 3y

megnews @Butterfinger I think it was

The Memory of Light

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megnews

In Sight of Stars | Gae Polisner

#YABuddyRead

Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, JaclynW, ravenlee, Butterfinger, AbigailJaneBlog

ravenlee One of the biggest changes I saw was opening himself to other people and experiences. His interactions with Sister Agnes and Martin, even Gene, evolve and allow him to challenge his initial impressions. He opens up to his therapist so much that he asks to continue with her. And he realizes where he went wrong at Northwood and with his old friends, keeping himself so distant from everyone. 3y

megnews @ravenlee was there a point where you wondered along with Klee if Sister Agnes was a hallucination or not? I did. I was relieved to find she wasn‘t. 3y

BarbaraJean I was really impressed with the way the author showed Klee's growth, from the disjointed/hallucinatory sections at the beginning to his opening up to his mom by the end. @megnews I totally thought she was a hallucination!! She puzzled me, since she only seemed to interact with Klee, and so often at night. But at the same time, I really liked their relationship and the way she drew Klee out in an informal context, outside of therapy. 3y

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megnews @BarbaraJean yes I think once he knew she was real, she put him at ease because he could just do normal stuff and not have to have his entire focus be on the tough stuff he was facing. I was so relieved she wasn‘t a hallucination. 3y

Chrissyreadit I agree- I thought Sister Agnes was odd in that she did not interact with the other kids, and I could not figure out what her actual role was. But I think Klee‘s growth was interesting, and actually occurred in a relatively short amount of time. 3y

Butterfinger I thought he showed tremendous growth with Sarah at the end. He wasn't going to be at a point where he would depend on her anymore. For forgetting his sadness. It was really a bad relationship and he realized it. I think it was a codependent relationship and they were both using each other to forget. @Chrissyreadit @ravenlee @BarbaraJean I also thought Sister Agnes was a hallucination. I'm glad he didn't push her away and appreciated her. 3y

ravenlee @megnews @Chrissyreadit @BarbaraJean @Butterfinger I leaned toward her being real because of the snack foods she kept bringing (I‘ve never heard of some of them but wouldn‘t touch any of it!)! But I also figured that it was like Dumbledore at the end of HP7 - just because it‘s all in your head, does it make it any less real? Is it less useful or important if it is a delusion? 3y

Chrissyreadit @ravenlee I unfortunately recognized all of the snacks- food is a questionable term. There shelf life is significant….😝 3y

BarbaraJean @Butterfinger Yes, I really appreciated the interaction with Sarah at the end. It really demonstrated his movement toward health in his relationships. It left me with a lot of hope for his continued growth and healing. 3y

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megnews

In Sight of Stars | Gae Polisner

#YABuddyRead

Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, JaclynW, ravenlee, Butterfinger, AbigailJaneBlog

ravenlee Classic example of how “protecting” a child from the truth backfires. I don‘t think we get enough to explain her completely (why the immaculate attire and makeup all the time?), but her attempt to keep painful truths from Klee sure made everything worse for everybody. 3y

megnews I don‘t think we get enough either unless you‘ve had family secrets and know the extent people go to to maintain some sense of control in their lives and to try to present to the world that all is well. I think the whole truth was the best option but his mom could have also just told him it hurt too much to stay in NYC where the husband she loved died because that would still be true. It seems she had no conversation about this and it caused a ⬇️ 3y

megnews ⬆️ complete rupture to their relationship. She didn‘t give Klee an outlet to grieve. 3y

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BarbaraJean @ravenlee @megnews I agree with you both that “protecting“ a kid from the truth isn't the best option and will end up causing more harm than good. It made sense to me that she tried to maintain outer perfection to mask the pain (both her pain in her marriage as well as her grief in the aftermath) but also to “be strong“ for Klee. I think that's a myth as well, honestly--being honest & vulnerable is another form of strength and more likely to help! 3y

megnews @BarbaraJean I agree. Being authentic may be difficult. But when it is and we remain true it is definitely strength. 3y

Chrissyreadit @megnews @ravenlee @BarbaraJean this is actually where the story fell apart for me a bit. He was a Jr in high school in NYC. Usually kids that age are pretty aware and savvy. I even had a hard time with no one suspecting his dad of trying to hide himself in a way. I May be off in my thinking but most upperclassmen I knew had a bit of real life in their experience- as a teacher and counselor kids usually know and are pretending they don‘t. 3y

Butterfinger I felt for the mom, especially when she realized how angry Klee was at her. All parents make mistakes and she made a huge one, but she owned up to it and told the whole truth. I just think she didn't want Klee to be mad at the father. I see myself trying to hide my husband's faults from my girls just so they won't treat him with disrespect. I agree @Chrissyreadit it doesn't seem possible that Klee wouldn't have known. @ravenlee @BarbaraJean 3y

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megnews

In Sight of Stars | Gae Polisner

#YABuddyRead

Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, JaclynW, ravenlee, Butterfinger, AbigailJaneBlog

ravenlee There‘s been some interesting debate in recent years about genius and madness, especially in the case of artists like Van Gogh. One side says it‘s a shame that there weren‘t treatment options for so many tortured souls, while the other claims the world would be poorer for them having had treatment instead of pouring their pain into their art. I side with the pro-mental-health-care. Because (cont) 3y

ravenlee I think it‘s horrible and selfish to imply that anyone owes us the fruits of their suffering, and sets up a system in which treatment and great art are polarized. Geniuses frequently suffer, because they are by nature out of the norm, but there‘s no reason to encourage or idealize that. 3y

megnews @ravenlee. Again, I agree. I think it‘s also musicians, writers, actors…many with creative talents. Who can know the science of the brain that these two often seem to go hand in hand? I agree about treatment but can also say I‘ve known people who struggle with feeling their creative outlet is hazy when they are in meds. And so they go off and enter a cycle of healthy and not healthy. 3y

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ravenlee Yes, all creative types (which absolutely includes scientists, mathematicians, and so on) can be prone to excess. I saw a lot of that in college for music, in fact. My big problem is when it‘s OTHER people dictating the “art is more important than your mental health.” For an individual it‘s a balancing act, trying to keep the creative genius but manage the mania or depression. It‘s tough, for sure, but it‘s nobody else‘s business. 3y

megnews @ravenlee agreed! 3y

Chrissyreadit @ravenlee @megnews this one hits close to home with artists and performers I know who struggle with mental health. I think it‘s because they feel emotions so strongly art is their outlet. But I also think if we had a culture that valued people and accepted them and had a place for them those mental health needs could be met in a way that is healing and supportive. I also think care and nurturing and acceptance are part of mental health care as 3y

Chrissyreadit Much as meds. 3y

Butterfinger Wow! I agree with your responses @Chrissyreadit @ravenlee 100% 3y

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megnews

In Sight of Stars | Gae Polisner

#YABuddyRead

Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, JaclynW, ravenlee, Butterfinger, AbigailJaneBlog

ravenlee Sarah keeps saying that Klee is lying to her, or not telling her the whole story, but she doesn‘t handle his truths well when he does share. I think the more important instance is Klee holding back from his true friends after his father‘s death. It adds to the vacuum he finds himself in, and makes it easier to lose his way. 3y

megnews @ravenlee I agree with both your examples. It has to be so hard to talk about but that‘s what friends are for. I also think the mom not sharing anything with Klee about her need to move caused so much 💔for him thinking his mother didn‘t care about him. 3y

ravenlee The mom held so much back, for so long. I get her motivations for keeping things from Klee about the father‘s death and the aftermath, but she‘d been playing a part for so long by then it‘s like she doesn‘t know how to be herself anymore. 3y

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megnews @ravenlee agreed and may have convinced herself this is the real her or be scared of what she‘ll find if she peels that protective layer off. 3y

BarbaraJean The other big half truth was Klee's father never disclosing his sexuality and trying to live two lives. That double life/half truth was destructive to his family relationships, and to his career because of the choices it led him to make. And of course, in the end it was a self-destructive half truth as well. To maintain a false self, he tries to shoulder everything on his own--Klee later mirrors this behavior, trying to deal with his grief alone. 3y

ravenlee @BarbaraJean it felt like Mark, by keeping his secret so tightly, was only being halfway present with anyone in his life - and his solution was to try to use money to make up the difference. And, of course, the money is what made everything fall apart completely. 3y

megnews @BarbaraJean that‘s a great connection. I hadn‘t thought of how similar their reactions were. @ravenlee so true. If we aren‘t honest about who we are we are only letting ourselves so close to others and them to us. Very isolating. 3y

Chrissyreadit I agree with @BarbaraJean the fathers half truth was the impetus for much of this. I also struggled with the truth of friends and relationships. The lens they were viewed through was one of disconnect and it felt challenging as the reader to know the truth of them as well. 3y

Butterfinger I can't think of anything different to add. I do think when the father tried to keep two households and tried to cover it up was when his life started to unravel. I also think, just because of the violence of the father's death, Klee should have automatically been in therapy, especially since Klee found him. @ravenlee @Chrissyreadit @BarbaraJean 3y

ravenlee @Butterfinger I agree, and @Chrissyreadit said it elsewhere - how on earth was Klee not in therapy immediately? Sure, the mom was focused on moving and all, and Klee may not have been receptive at that point but COME ON! It never occurred to anybody that the kid might be, I dunno, struggling? 3y

megnews @ravenlee @Butterfinger @Chrissyreadit agreed! Should have been in therapy immediately. This is making me rethink mom as ice Queen. I understand her wish to move but at that point every choice should have been about Klee unless financial reasons didn‘t allow them to stay in nyc. Too much change and removal from support system after huge loss. 3y

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megnews

In Sight of Stars | Gae Polisner

#YABuddyRead

Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, JaclynW, ravenlee, Butterfinger, AbigailJaneBlog

ravenlee One of the biggest misperceptions in the story is Klee‘s belief that his mother, the Ice Queen, was the cause of all the unhappiness in their family. But even before she tells her side, Klee‘s memories start to unravel the tangled threads of their family life - he remembers times when she was happy and his father wasn‘t, for instance. But it isn‘t until his mother clears up some of the confusion that he can start to see his parents as (cont) 3y

ravenlee people and work through some of his own troubles that emerged from the family situation. 3y

ravenlee If Klee had the right info to start with, he might have been able to work with his mom on their grief and how they could go forward, instead of stewing in resentment and letting himself get further from his support system. 3y

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megnews @ravenlee I agree about this being the biggest misconception. It‘s easy to see how Klee came to that conclusion, not knowing the truth about his dad. It also shows how important telling and knowing the truth is. So many parents hide things like this from kids and, as the story shows, it can damage relationships and have very negative consequences. 3y

BarbaraJean @ravenlee I agree, Klee's misunderstanding of his mother is the biggest one in the book. It was fascinating to see how his perception of his own memories changed once he knew the truth. Another misconception was Klee's belief that he was alone--it didn't come from wrong information, but rather his own distancing himself from his friends in NYC. But as with his mom, once they communicate, it shifts the story Klee believes about himself. 3y

Chrissyreadit @ravenlee @BarbaraJean @megnews I agree, but really struggled with identifying the type of relationship they had, it hurt my heart that he thought of his mom as an ice queen. 3y

Butterfinger I grieved with Klee when he found out about his father. He didn't care about what his father did, but that the father would have known Klee would have still loved him. I also wished Klee hadn't pushed his NYC friends away, then whats-her-name wouldn't have felt so much pressure. @ravenlee @Chrissyreadit @BarbaraJean 3y

Chrissyreadit @Butterfinger I agree- I feel like those friends were vital but not necessarily portrayed that way in the beginning. 3y

megnews @Chrissyreadit @Butterfinger I agree. At the beginning the author made him seem like a loner. Which I guess he was when he moved. But he did have those friendships in nyc. 3y

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ravenlee

In Sight of Stars | Gae Polisner

pick

This wasn‘t quite what I expected, in that I thought there‘d be more about the father, and what I got was more about the girl. I loved the way the tangled threads of grief and functioning got worked out, though, as Klee‘s therapy helped him sort through all the mess. I didn‘t love all of it, but I did love parts. Looking forward to discussion. #YABuddyRead @megnews

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