I try to understand why would she kill herself? I mean I can think of a thousand reasons from what I've read but we will never know what went through her mind. It's so capturing, the desperate attempts of the writer, how he can't let go of his first love, how he makes every possible attempt to keep latching to his past, to hanna. It's almost heartbreaking how true it is. His attempts to justify his actions, makes me smile at time. A good read!