Have u ever think of yourself as something? Like in this book Tazaki wanted to thought himself as a color but he weren‘t. So at first, i thought about his friends like “oh they are so cruel, how could they do this to him? “. But then again I understand it wasn‘t about them it was about Tazaki. I guess we realize ourself as something that we never thought of before in our lives after having a big hit just like Tazaki.