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Duped
Duped: The Secret Lives of (Almost) Everyone You Know | Abby Ellin
5 posts | 7 read | 6 to read
'Abby Ellin's writing is everything her fiancé pretended to be: witty, vulnerable, brave, smart, and honest.' -- Michael Finkel, author of The Stranger in the Woods While leading a double life would seem to be the exclusive domain of psychopaths and undercover agents, thousands of 'regular people' keep extraordinary secrets from those closest to them. Duped is an investigation of compulsive liars - and how they fool their loved ones - drawing on Abby Ellin's personal experience. From the day Abby went on her first date with The Commander, she was caught up in a whirlwind. Within five months he'd proposed, and they'd moved in together. But there were red flags: strange stories of international espionage, involving Osama bin Laden and the Pentagon. Soon his stories began to unravel until she discovered, far later than she'd have liked, that he was a complete and utter fraud. When Ellin wrote about her experience in Psychology Today, the responses were unlike anything she'd experienced as a journalist. Legions of people wrote in with similar stories, of otherwise sharp-witted and self-aware people being taken in by ludicrous scams. Why was it so hard to spot these outlandish stories? Why were so many of the perpetrators male, and so many of the victims female? Was there something universal at play here? In Duped, New York Times journalist Abby Ellin explores the secret lives of compulsive liars, and the tragedy of those who trust them - who have experienced severe, prolonged betrayal - and the terrible impact on their sense of reality and their ability to trust ever again. Studying the art and science of lying, talking to victims who've had their worlds turned upside down, and writing with great openness about her own mistakes, she lays the phenomenon bare. Ellin offers us a shocking and intimate look not only at the damage that the duplicitous cause, but the painful reaction of a society that is all too quick to blame the believer.
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review
Erin.Elizabeth10
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Mehso-so

This book had so much promise, but unfortunately just under delivered. I was really excited to read it because the author has a fascinating story of a con man she was engaged to. I thought it would be true crime meets psychology/sociology nonfiction. That‘s kind of what it is, but I feel like it was executed in a somewhat boring way. She tells her entire personal story in the first chapter. (Continued in comments)

Erin.Elizabeth10 The other chapters meander and explore other historical people who‘ve lied, polygraph tests, why people lie… but it just didn‘t quite work for me. Still interesting, but a bit disappointing. 2y
13 likes1 comment
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Hooked_on_books
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Pickpick

Utilizing her own experience of being conned as a frame, Abby Ellin explores the interesting world of those who compulsively lie, either living multiple lives or carrying on years-long deceptions. She weaves in science alongside lived experience in this quick read. I enjoyed it.

PaperbackPirate What a sweet dog! 💙 5y
Hooked_on_books @PaperbackPirate Thank you. That‘s Greta. She‘s a momma‘s girl and loves to snuggle. 5y
59 likes1 stack add2 comments
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jamie_reads
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Mehso-so

Interesting subject matter—mainly it‘s info on lying. I was really interested in the author‘s personal anecdotes more so than the research. But still a good quick read. Finished in two sittings.

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WhatWouldJaneDo
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Panpan

I loved the first chapter of this one, but after that it started to get a bit repetitive and muddled. Ellin seemed to be trying to reach a conclusion about the nature of deception but I don't think she really got there, and at times seemed to contradict her own points, particularly at a few points where she used some pretty transphobic examples.

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Well-ReadNeck
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Mehso-so

I think I was expecting something more like The Man In the Rockefeller Suit. But, rather than focusing on her own story, that is merely a jumping off point to write journalistically about closely related topics from the diagnostic differences between sciociopaths and narcissists to how often and why people lie every day. Interesting, but lots of varied information in here and not quite what I had in mind when I picked it up. #netgalley